The Everlasting Phelps

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

Air America Crashes

March 31st, 2004

Air America Radio premiered today. I caught some of Al Franken’s show. I think that unless major leaps are made, it is going to crash and burn. The show is not talk-radio worthy. I’ve been joking for a long time that “Air America” is “NPR2″. This has gone far beyond anything I could joke about.

If I hadn’t known I was going to this show, I would have thought it was NPR. Really. Same monotone, same “feed the politico questions” format, same crappy bumper schlock. I understand that the guests are going to be boring. Bob Kerry is going to be boring whether he is on Franken’s show or Neal Boortz’s show or even the Russ Martin Show. That is why it is the host’s job to prop the show up. When the guest brings it down, the host pops in and brings the energy level up. If you don’t have that, you don’t have talk radio — you have NPR.

This network is either going to crash and burn (likely) or it is going to just cannibalize listeners from NPR. I actually see this as the silver lining. If NPR loses enough listeners, then perhaps it might be taken off the CPB teat and privatized. It isn’t going to fail because it is liberal. It is going to fail because it is boring.

COFFEE JIHAD!!!

March 30th, 2004

My blogchile Mexigogue has issued a fatwa declaring COFFEE JIHAAD!!!!!!!. This is a holy war whose time has come.

You know what happened to me today? I went into the break room after lunch for a cup. I thought, ‘Great! Someone actually started another pot!‘ The light was about to go out on the brewing cycle (this is a plumbed in machine.) The light goes out, and I pick up the pot — Empty.

That’s right, between the time it stopped dripping and the time I came in and the light went off, these jackals managed to pour an entire pot of coffee. It is time for some people to pay for crimes against humanity like this.

In an ideal world, this sort of shit wouldn’t happen. You would be able to identify these people by the coffee pot shaped divots in their heads and the “Here Lies an Asshole — He took the last cup” tombstones and keep them away from the pot. But we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world where the courts set rapists, boy bands and coffee infidels loose on the streets. It is time for a little vigilante justice. It is time for some concerned citizens to start disappearing a few coffee infidels.

Breaking The Fourth Wall is Funny

March 23rd, 2004

They are playing Best Of on the Russ Martin Show today. They were playing an old song to Gary. This one wasn’t a Gary’s Lahver song, this was a pee the bed song.

The part that made me laugh was it was about halfway into the song, and someone hit the delay. It had to be “G-Spot”, because no one is in today. And then it got hit again. And then the segment was cut short. I know it wasn’t in the original, because I remember the song from when it was played the first time.

And that made it even funnier. Spittle is hitting the delay on a bit that played just fine a year ago about a grown man peeing in his bed. I just hope that someone thought to hook an airbag up to the button before they went wherever they are.

Parse This

March 22nd, 2004

neocon.jpg

Photos from the rally in S.F. on March 20, 2004:

Stolen shamelessly; these are great photos, and you should click through and give the whole thing a look. I’ve added a watermark to the one I stole, since I would rather not steal the bandwidth. Again, go take a look at the whole thing. This is from the Useful Idiots section.

“Don’t settle for cut-rate NeoCon World Domination! Only agree to United NationsTM Brand World Domination!”

The Everlasting Phelps

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.