My blogchile Mexigogue has issued a fatwa declaring COFFEE JIHAAD!!!!!!!. This is a holy war whose time has come.
You know what happened to me today? I went into the break room after lunch for a cup. I thought, ‘Great! Someone actually started another pot!‘ The light was about to go out on the brewing cycle (this is a plumbed in machine.) The light goes out, and I pick up the pot — Empty.
That’s right, between the time it stopped dripping and the time I came in and the light went off, these jackals managed to pour an entire pot of coffee. It is time for some people to pay for crimes against humanity like this.
In an ideal world, this sort of shit wouldn’t happen. You would be able to identify these people by the coffee pot shaped divots in their heads and the “Here Lies an Asshole — He took the last cup” tombstones and keep them away from the pot. But we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world where the courts set rapists, boy bands and coffee infidels loose on the streets. It is time for a little vigilante justice. It is time for some concerned citizens to start disappearing a few coffee infidels.