The Everlasting Phelps

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Monday Morning Web Designing

April 30th, 2004

So the Alliance has a New Assignment:

What are some changes or improvements you’d like to see on John Kerry’s web site?

Hmm.

  • 10. A “Position of the Day” emailing to let everyone know what Kerry stands for today.
  • 9. Changing the links to Kerry’s Military Records to Bush’s Records.
  • 8. Changing those links to just go to Motown Records.
  • 7. Publishing Kerry’s Hip-hop iPod playlists
  • 6. A blog with one of those “my current mood” thingies for Theresa.
  • 5. “The Adventures of G.I. Kerry” webcartoon
  • 4. A virtual Theresa-gatchi that you can feed with propoganda and raise to be your own America hater.
  • 3. A link to the Alliance
  • 2. A “Dress your own Kerry Doll” flash
  • 1. Changing all the instances of “Fucking” on the website to “Cotton-picking Dagnabbing”

Unuseful Idiots

April 23rd, 2004

Radley Balko is someone that I’ve had lots of disagreements with, but there was nothing tasteless about his notice of Pat Tillman’s death. The commenters who decided to vulture in, on the other hand, are thoroughly contemptible and vile.

Football player gives up millions per year to get shot dead in Afghanistan. As far as I’m concerned, this just proves the perfection of natural selection.

. . .

Wait, wait. He died protecting me from the invading Afghani army.

Man, I just jizzed all over my keyboard from feelings of State euphoria. Thank you Jebus and thank you gubmint.

It is shit like this that makes me wonder about being in bed with the Libertarian Party. I know that gloating over the deaths of American solders is not the party line, but the idea that I am associated with these disgusting cocksuckers revolts me.

It is distasteful enough for me to know that there are a lot of libertarians who take the, “screw those Iraqis, freedom is an American right, not a human one” stance that says that the war in Iraq was morally wrong, but this goes far beyond that. I need to go to the National Convention so I can find one of these bastards and kick the shit out of him and convince him to move all the way to the loony left.

(I want to stress that those were commenters, and not Balko. Balko is someone I frequently get annoyed with, but I haven’t seen anything that begins to rise to this level of depravity from him, and I don’t want this to reflect poorly on him.)

The Bad Days and Good

April 23rd, 2004

These have been dark days for the Coffee Crusade. Yea, in the last week, the Maker did die. It died a quiet death, forcing your humble narator to walk another 60 yards down the hall to the other Pot. But all was not lost, for the High Priest of the Bean did come, and the Maker was indeed resurected on the third day, and all was good.

Today, I partake of the sacred libation of the bean. Indeed, there is ledge food in celebration, and I have endulged in the sacrament of the bagel and schmear from the Brothers Einstein, and I have tasted the sweet goodness of the Krispy Kreme, and I have had two cups of the Joe without the pot running dry.

These are good times.

Scandals!

April 22nd, 2004

This Alliance is pretty pushy for a group that isn’t really led by its Not-As-Funny-As-Me leader. Now they want to know What further scandals will examination of Iraqi documents reveal? Pshaw. Pshaw, I say! This one is easy.

  • 10. Iraqi documents reveal that Germany was once run by Nazis.
  • 9. Chirac sends an annual preemptive surrender to Iraq.
  • 8. Most of Iraq’s AK-47s, T-72s and MIG fighter jets came from Russia, not the USA.
  • 7. Osama is hiding in the love nest he used to share with Saddam.
  • 6. There is a scathing review of “Bowling for Columbine” in the Comical Ali’s files: “How does this guy think anyone is going to believe this shit?
  • 5. Dan Rather just luvs Saddam’s fig casserole.
  • 4. Uday and Qusay were really just Branch Davidians, not Saddam’s sons.
  • 3. France hired an Iraqi assassin to shoot John Kennedy.
  • 2. Heinz Ketchup is a vital component of Saddam’s poison gas weapons.
  • 1. Saddam Hussain is Glenn Reynolds in disguise!

More On Air America (Pun Intended)

April 20th, 2004

All-left radio is lacking the right stuff for success according to a self-professed liberal writing for the LA Times. He echos my initial reaction

So at 6 a.m. on Good Friday — the first anniversary of the fall of Baghdad, the day after Condoleezza Rice testified before the commission investigating the 9/11 attacks — I tuned in to 1580, turned on my computer to take notes and sat with both until 11 p.m.

It may have been the most boring day of my life.

(Via Jerry at Common Sense and Wonder)

The Everlasting Phelps

TRIGGER WARNING: This entire site will cause massive butthurt in any precious snowflake that needs a trigger warning for anything.