The Everlasting Phelps

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November

May 31st, 2004

When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
– Johnathan Swift

I don’t know about genius; I do know that George W. Bush cannot be both the complete and utter buffoon that the left believes him to be, while also being that criminal mastermind puppeteer controlling a massive worldwide conspiracy that the left simultaneously believes him to be. I do know that the basic premise holds; when all of the anti-Americans are in confederacy against a candidate, then that is a sure sign that he is a fine American. ANSWER, the Wobblies, the Bucannanites, the Klan, the Hippies, the NAACP, the Anarchists, the Communists, the Socialists, the Islamists and the French are all against him. They can’t all be right.

I’ve had influences. There are a lot of people thinking the same way that I was thinking, like Geek with a .45. First, the disclosures. I have never voted for a Republican. I did vote for a Democrat (Laura Miller for mayor) with the sly plan of putting in a mayor who could get absolutely nothing done. I learned my lesson. Other than that, I have always voted Libertarian, or not at all. Until recently, I have always been a big L libertarian. I’m not anymore, because this election is too important for pompous partisanship.

I don’t say that with the normal “partisanship BAD” idiocy you hear from politicians. Partisanship is good. When you join a party, you should toe the party line. When you don’t agree with the party, you try to change the party, not just stab your allies in the back. R.L. Heinlein makes an excellent argument for partisanship in Take Back Your Government and I agree with it. When your differences with your party are so divisive, so fundamental that you can no longer toe the party line, then it is time to break off and move on. That is what I did.

For this election, I am a single issue voter. It’s the War, Stupid. This is a war for the survival of who we are. This is a war of survival on all levels. It is a war for my individual survival, and yours. It is a war for the survival of freedom. It is a war for the survival of the free market. It is a war for the survival of social liberty. If we are to keep doing the things that made us free and wealthy and healthy and American, we must fight and we must win this war.

Creepy Results

May 27th, 2004

This was creepy because it is alarmingly accurate.

Angel Style by greymentality
Name/Username
First Impression from Others Ready to follow you into battle, if you want…
Your Core Isolated.You fear love.Though you are love itself.
Potential to Stray from the Light: 75%
Your Weakness You don’t really know your place in the rank thing
Your Strength You know realllllllly secret stuff
Your Wings White. Piercingly white and pure
Your Focus Truth
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

(Via M)

Blame America

May 27th, 2004

I was struck by the muse when I heard a clip of Blame Canada from the South Park: BLU Soundtrack on the Neal Boortz Show. I think that mentality sums up the left pretty good today. Therefore, I present, Blame America by the Everlasting Phelps.

Jaques Chirac:
The world today is terrible
And it’s only getting worse
The World Trade Center’s been knocked down
And the Yanks are starting wars

The Taliban has been deposed
Saddam is in the dock
Osama’s wearing pantyhose
And hiding under rocks

Should we blame Osama?
Should we blame Saddam?
Or should we blame the men who made planes into bombs?
HECK NO!

Chorus:
Blame America!
Blame America!
It seems like everything’s gone wrong
Since George W came along
Blame America!
Blame America!
He’s selected not elected anyways

Al Gore:
Hundred Dollar a gallon gas
Is what this planet needs
If I could get a bill to pass
This would save the trees

But Florida cost me the election
George Dubya kicked my ass
The Saudis cut production
And now it costs two bucks for gas!

All: TWO WHOLE BUCKS?!?

Al Gore:
Should we blame the Saudis?
Should we blame the SUVs?
Or should we blame the enviro hacks like me?
HECK NO!

Chorus:
Blame America!
Blame America!
It seems like everything’s gone wrong
Since George W came along
Blame America!
Blame America!
He’s selected not elected anyways

Michael Berg:
Little Nicky went to Iraq
To help and make some dough
Instead he they popped his head off
Like a Jewish GI Joe

Should we blame the video?
Should we blame the knife?
Should we blame the terrorist sh-ts who took his life?
HECK NO!

Chrous:
Blame America!
Blame America!
It seems like everything’s gone wrong
Since George W came along
Blame America!
Blame America!
He’s selected not elected anyways

Boss Coffee

May 26th, 2004

The coffee situation has been bad lately. I have been getting demoralized. I have begun to simply accept that when I go in the breakroom, if I had not made coffee in the last 15 minutes there wouldn’t be any. Today is different.

For the second time, I have gone into the breakroom and walked up on the Big Guy for our floor making coffee. Number 2 guy in a law firm that spans nine offices. I am shocked at how inspirational and motivating that one act is, and I’m not trying to be cute or funny. If there is anyone in the firm who has the stroke to say, “I shouldn’t waste my time making coffee” he is the one — and he doesn’t. When he empties the pot, he makes more coffee.

Why is it that these self important low-life assholes can’t do that? I think that is what makes this firm great. The top guys, the ones that have been here 30 years like him, make and pour thier own coffee. They get thier own dry cleaning. They treat every employee, from the mailroom up, like a professional. If they see a young attorney walking away from an empty pot, they call them on it and tell them that the staff is here to practice law, not make thier coffee. They bring them up right. (And they don’t do it in front of the staff. I get all that second hand.)

If you are a boss, make your own coffee. It has more of an effect on morale than you might think.

Can’t Keep Capitalism Down

May 24th, 2004

There is a tought experiment propsed titled Politicians and Shopping Carts:

Imagine buying groceries in the same way that voters make political choices — that is, you would choose among large bundles of grocery items just as, in politics, you choose among candidates who are each large bundles of positions on countless issues.

You’d walk into a grocery store, on schedule, once every week or month or whatever spacing of time is mandated by the Shopping Constitution. Upon entering the store, you’d see before you only two or three shopping carts, each pre-filled with a selection of groceries. We can suppose that each cart is covered with clear, distortion-free plexiglass, allowing you to review each cart’s contents before choosing.

The answer is simple: I would choose the cart which would best let me trade with other people to get the items that I wanted. In other words, I would use it to barter what I want. You can’t take the free market out of man, because it is in our nature.

(Via Catallarchy)

Supporting the Axis of Eve

May 24th, 2004

I found this article on the Axis of Eve at Common Sense and Wonder:

Elizabeth is part of Axis of Eve, a fledgling group of rabble-rousing feminists and anti-war activists who have taken to flashing their undies as a form of political dissent. The Eves, as they call themselves, are on a mission to sex up protest. They take to the streets wearing “protest panties” which come emblazoned with anti-Dubya double-entendres like “Expose Bush,” “Lick Bush,” “Give Bush the Finger” and “Drill Bush Not Oil.” When the Eves flash them at rallies, the effect is somewhere between a 1970s’ love-in and George Bush’s worst, frat- addled nightmare of a panty raid gone awry.

I want to go on the record as saying that I completely and wholeheartedly endorse this movement. And not because I want to see thier panties; in all likelyhood they are all hideous and probably homosexual, and I don’t say that because I have something against dykes — I do — but because they seem to be the types who will do anything (witty, huh?) to piss off the right side of the aisle.

No, I support this because it serves a useful purpose. It marks the total moonbat loon idiots for everyone. If your idea of political discourse boils down to slightly-naughty slogans on your underwear, and this is your avenue for change in the world, please let us know. We can quietly dismiss your opinion from the start and not waste time listening to you.

The Republican National Convention — which the Eves described bitterly, and biblically, as “when the snake comes to the Garden” — will be a prime panty-flashing opportunity. The Eves are plotting a racy panty performance for Sept. 1 featuring 100 women dressed in white trench coats and their signature matching panties. “At 3 p.m.,” the Axis Web site advertises, “Eves will perform a group flashing in order to create a media spectacle and send a political postcard: We will not tolerate lies and cover-ups!”

It’s been a long time since I saw someone so repulsive that they were likely to drive people that were otherwise undecided to vote Republican. Well, someone other than Michael Moore.

Drive By Fisking

May 24th, 2004

I saw this article linked over at Samidata with this gem:

Michael Moore’s controversial polemic Farenheit 9/11 became the first documentary for nearly 50 years to win the Palme d’Or at the Cannes film festival last night.

The film, which contains scathing attacks on the business dealings of President George Bush as well as the first footage of American soldiers torturing prisoners in Iraq, beat off competition from more famous directors, including Wong Kar-Wai, Emir Kusturica and the Coen brothers to scoop top prize.

“More famous?” What the fug is this guy smoking? Not even the Coen Brothers are more famous than the Worlds Largest Asshat. He won simply because he is a famous asshat. He could have put an extreme closeup of his naked ass (life size, in other words) with a Lady of Spain on an organ soundtrack and they would have given him a standing O.

He added: ‘The last time I was on an award stage in Hollywood, all hell broke loose.’ Moore had been heckled when he spoke out against Bush in his acceptance speech after winning an Oscar for his previous documentary, Bowling for Columbine.

He wasn’t heckled for speaking out against Bush. He was heckled for being a lunatic moonbat and for being generally incoherent.

The Everlasting Phelps

TRIGGER WARNING: This entire site will cause massive butthurt in any precious snowflake that needs a trigger warning for anything.