The Everlasting Phelps

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Fiscal Responsibility

April 17th, 2006

TigerHawk has an article about the whole Comedy Central / South Park debacle. The long and short is that Comedy Central, as South Park warned, pussed out. Comedy Central decided that the risk of violence from inanely easily manipulated Muslims outweighed their dedication to free speech. This wasn’t necessarily the wrong decision, as Tigerhawk says:

So I don’t blame Comedy Central, or Border’s Books, or the world’s media organizations, for refusing to depict Mohammed out of fear of retaliation. Their job is not to defend freedom of speech, but to earn profits for their stockholders. Acting as a fiduciary, I would make the same decision. But let us not tolerate these same organizations claiming that they also support freedom of speech. They are lying when they say they do, because in order to defend freedom of speech, you have to be willing to protect speech against the inevitable threat of violence.

I want there to be no misunderstanding about my position on this: It is our fault that this happened. You, me, and everyone else in America. A corporation is a fiction. It follows a (nebulous) set of rules that essentially boil down to this: The corporation does what makes money for the shareholders. That doesn’t mean that the corporation acts unconscionably. It does not because we won’t abide it. When a corporation becomes a bad corporate citizen, they lose customers and therefore have a disincentive to act badly.

That is why it is our fault. We have not provided proper disincentives to corporate America. When Comedy Central does this, they do it because they know that the costs of confronting Muslim agitators outweighs the cost of confronting freedom loving Americans. We cannot change the costs of confronting the Muslim agitators (the clerics and organizers behind the riots) directly, so we have one side of the equation to focus on. We must raise the costs of confronting freedom loving Americans until it outweighs the Muslim agitators.

That means that we must raise the costs on Comedy Central. I was actually brought to this conclusion by the Borders Books fiasco. Because Borders censored the Mohammed cartoons, a boycott was suggested. I poo-pooed it at first, but now I have come around. We must boycott Borders and Comedy Central, because this is the only way to protect the means of free speech. This is not the government censoring people; this is us censoring people because we have supported the weasely with our dollars, and we must stop.

I like Comedy Central. I applaud them for supporting South Park for years, through the Shit episode, for example. But recently, Comedy Central has been caving to Catholic agitators, to Scientologist agitators, and now to Muslim agitators. We have to tell them that this is not acceptable, and that is by taking away the money. Stop buying from Comedy Central. Matt Stone and Trey Parker will forgive you.

Also, don’t miss Terrestrial Musings and Mexigogue on the subject.

May Day

April 14th, 2006

So now a bunch of illegal invaders and seditious sympathizers want to conduct an economic sabotage operation on May 1. Actually, I think that the vast majority of illegals had no idea they were participating in an invasion; they more likely thought that they were going to be doing what we all want to do, which is provide a better life then them and their families. I think that most of the people supporting them are not intentionally seditious, but rather simply sympathize and empathize strongly with this desire of the immigrants to improve their situation. As South Park has proven to us, though, you can easily do the wrong thing for the right reasons. That is why, if you support Mexico’s invasion of America, you are likely only a Useful Idiot, not actually evil. There are, however, plenty of people who are evil, and they are the ones organizing this.

So it is going to be a May 1 protest, huh? Isn’t that convenient? It just so happens to fall on May Day! Communism Day! I might be willing to chalk that up to coincidence, if the organisers, ANSWER, weren’t a front for the Worker’s World Party, aka the Wobblies, aka Communist Shitheel Traitors. Remember this, always: the communists don’t give a shit about Mexicans. If they did, they would be trying to build up Mexico, not tear down America. If the communists gave a shit about poor people, then the USSR, Cuba, China, and Korea wouldn’t have ended up the way they did. Communists use poor people, and they are using poor Mexican illegals now.

Mexicans are going to be the losers in this fight, no matter how it goes. Suppose you are illegal. Are you going to

  • go to work on May 1, which seems like the thing to do, since the only reason you bothered to jump the border and come to America is to work and make money, or
  • stay home, not get paid, and instead get fired from your job, because you are being paid under the table, you have no legal protections, and if you go to the cops they are just going to deport you anyways?

I’ll take the first option, Alex. Illegals are not going to walk out on May 1. If they did, they might as well start walking south, and keep going until they cross the border. Maybe some illegals are stupid enough to do it. I’m certain that there is a smarter worker, legal or illegal, ready to take that job, and the dumbass probably should go back to Mexico, where you “you must be this smart to ride” clown has his hand much, much lower.

So who is going to walk out? Legal Hispanics, which is what makes this the stupidest shit of all. If you are legal, and your parents came from Mexico, you are the example. You are more than the example. You are the test. You are what the illegals claim will make everything all right. If we just legalize all the illegals, the argument goes, and make them citizens, then we will all live together in a productive society, hamburgers and tacos will fall from the trees, and we’ll all be rich beyond our wildest dreams. However, what this farce is going to show, if it happens, is that once you make illegals legal, they walk off the job to have a party for the weakest of pretenses, have a shitty work ethic, and can’t be trusted. If you say anything about illegals, it sure isn’t going to be that they walk off of jobs and have shitty work ethics. Why would someone want to make them citizens and change that?

Maybe this will work in California. It sure as hell isn’t going to work in Texas. Texas is a right to work state. That means that you can quit for any reason, and they can fire you for any reason. If you don’t show up for work, that is called “job abandonment” and they can fire you on the spot. And God help any business that actually have to shut down. They might as well hang a sign that says, “we hire so many illegals that we can’t operate without them”. That will be the death-knell for that business here, because the illegals ain’t popular right now, and it is too easy to go down the street to someone else.

So go ahead. Walk out. Cut off your nose to spite your face. If you manage to shut anything down, you will simply make it that much harder to come out on top.

Thought for the Day

April 12th, 2006

I saw this poster in the law office that I am visiting in the breakroom:

51

In fiscal year 2004, 51 children died in Oklahoma from abuse or neglect. We can do better.

And the only thing I could think was, “wow, I couldn’t kill 51 kids with a case of hand grenades and an ice cream truck!”

How to Solve Illegal Immigration

April 11th, 2006

I’ve been thinking about this whole illegal immigration thing. First of all, the problem isn’t that we have illegal immigrants. The problem is that we have too many of the wrong kind. Getting from Mexico to the US illegally is way, way too easy. I mean, think about it. When the Mexican government has to give you a comic book that tells you how to get to America (hint: Look for Starbucks) then you are too stupid to immigrate.

That’s the problem, people. We are getting too many low quality wetbacks. What we need are obstacles.

  1. Piranhas in the Rio Grande. Russ Martin came up with this years ago, and it is genius. Swimming to America should be an adventure. Remember all the Cubans who drown every year trying to float to America on piles of pancake syrup bottles tied to umbrellas? Why should Cubans have to do all that while Mexicans can just backstroke across the Rio Grande with impunity? Ricky Martin? I call shenanigans. Put piranhas in the Rio Grande. And set up traffic cams on a website, because we should get some entertainment for our tax dollars.
  2. Desert Warfare. Our Boys are going to be fighting in deserts for a while. The mission, for the most part, is finding brown people sneaking into American held territory. Hello? Mcfly? We have a training ground just south of Phoenix! Now I want you all to calm down. I’m not saying that we should shoot Mexicans on the southern border. That is why all the soldiers will be armed with non-lethal training weapons, like paintball guns. Rifles that shoot little .68 caliber paintballs, like I get shot with all the time. It doesn’t hurt that bad, and it would scare the hell out of the guys coming north. And you keep the rifles around so that the guys get live fire training when some dumbass coyote decides to shoot back. Plus, there would be a huge industry in creating 120mm paint cannons for tanks, 40mm paint chainguns, and Hellpaint missiles. (I bet you would love to work on that project, R. ) With that at our disposal, the Mexican government would stop giving them comic books and start giving them snorkels.
  3. Giant catapults. Well, trebuchets, if you want to be technical. See, deportation is too easy. You take a bus ride to the border, grab some of those kickass tacos, and then head right back across. We need to send them a little further in Mexico, but the Mexican government won’t let us. That is why we need catapults. Launch them 15, 20 miles into Mexico. Make them have to walk for a while. And you don’t have to do it just at the southern border. We have a big, big navy. Why should the Army and Marines and Air Force get all the paintball fun? Put trebuchets on a bunch of landing craft, sail up to the three mile limit, and give them a 20 mile toss. They’ll think twice before they decide on a northern vacation again. We can fling illegals back into Mexico from all sides.

See, what the illegals want more than anything is legitimacy. They want to be treated like equals, and, in all seriousness, they aren’t. They decided to take a shortcut, and they should be treated like the cheaters they are. In a hilarious way. If you can’t have fun with a foriegn government sponsored invasion of America by a hypocritical enemy that lambastes us for taking mediocre measures that are magnitudes more lenient than what they themselves practice and instead plan a long term effort to weaken and loot its neighbor, well, you can’t have fun with anything.

The Everlasting Phelps

TRIGGER WARNING: This entire site will cause massive butthurt in any precious snowflake that needs a trigger warning for anything.