The Everlasting Phelps

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

Stuff You Need

April 1st, 2008

Dr. Helen has decided to ditch the purse for a wallet. In the process, she asks:

How has it worked out? It’s hard! The first day I carried just a wallet, I kept looking for my purse and feeling that I had forgotten something. By the third day, I was over this but I didn’t have all of the things I needed such as various keys, my chapstick, stamps, my address book, my pepper spray, various food, gloves — and carrying spare change in my pocket drives me crazy. It jingles and falls out when you sit down. Is this normal? Are there some tricks of the trade that I do not understand here?

Yeah.  I’ll offer up George Carlin’s response when he is confronted with the lament that someone’s “needs aren’t being met.”  Lower your f-ing needs.

  • Keys: left pocket
  • Chapstick: don’t need
  • Stamps: don’t need
  • Address book: don’t need
  • Pepper Spray: don’t need
  • Food: don’t need
  • Gloves: don’t need
  • Spare change: don’t need

Seriously.  I don’t carry spare change.  I collect what I get in the day, and when I get home, whatever made it home in my pockets goes in the bucket.

What do I carry?  Keys, a pocket comb and a Swiss Army Knife in my left pocket.  Wallet and business cards in right pocket.  Pen and iPhone in shirt or jacket pocket.  (One of the reasons I got an iPhone was that I could carry it in a jacket pocket without ruining the lines on a suit.)  I either hold my sunglasses or keep them in a jacket pocket.  Anything else I do without.

I’m sure that you have a briefcase.  Anything particularly bulky can go in there.  Gloves go in the overcoat pocket.  Won’t need one without the other.  Sometimes I throw gum in my right pocket.

The Everlasting Phelps

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.