Archive for June 2008

Wow

I’m Voting Democrat

In response to this…

I’m voting Democrat because I think that the way to lower gas prices is to increase the costs of the oil companies by making them pay more taxes. I mean, they are just pumping their money out of the ground.

I’m voting Democrat because health care is so expensive that we should have the government pay for it. If it keeps getting more expensive, they can just print some more money.

I’m voting Democrat because I support affirmative action. White presidents have been screwing the country up for the last 200 years. I think it is time we see how badly a black president can screw up the country.

I’m voting Democrat because I think we should have some more gun control. Sure, my cousin was stabbed to death, but hey, imagine how tragic it would have been if she had been shot.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that the borders aren’t open enough. Al Queda and MS-13 don’t scare me — but having to cut my own grass does.

I’m voting Democrat because because I hate Whitey. Always sitting over there, hurting my eyes with all that glare.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that polar bears are more important than fuel costs. After all, if you get cold, you can just snuggle up to a nice fuzzy polar bear.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather die talking to a homicidal dictator than have to live with another war. After all, the Iranians are just like us, except for eating strange food.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather pay more to shop in nicer shops than look at an ugly old Walmart. So what if poor people can’t afford to shop there? The government will take care of them.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather burn corn in my car than let some poor South American eat it. Just let them eat flour tortillas like real Americans.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather people be unemployed than to have to work for less than a living wage. I mean, how can you justify letting anyone work for an unliving wage? It would bring on the zombie apocalypse.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather live more comfortably now than worry about providing a legacy for my children. The little punks never call me anyways.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that we should cooperate with North Korea’s bomb program. They will probably just nuke the Japanese, we did that too, so we are no better than them. The Nips got over Nagasaki and Hiroshima quick enough last time.

I’m voting Democrat because I don’t think that someone should have to move just because some lender let them borrow too much money to buy a house that they couldn’t really afford. All their stuff is already there.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to change the corruption in Congress. All these shady deals and financial wrangling need to stop. The Democrats will take things back to a better time, when politicians were bought with cold cash and stayed bought.

I’m voting Democrat because it isn’t fair to make kids learn anything to graduate from school. They’re just kids.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather have millions of Iraqis die than thousands of American volunteers. The news won’t show me pictures of Iraqis dying, and they should have been smart enough to be born in America anyways.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that we spend too much on the Navy. We haven’t gotten a Top Gun sequel yet, and it’s been like 20 years.

I’m voting Democrat because they are good with money. They can spend way more than they take in. The last time I tried that they repossessed my ‘vette.

I’m voting Democrat because we should stop wasting money on a Ballistic Missile Defense and spend more on research for things like Viagra. What good is it to survive a nuclear attack if you can’t get it up afterwards?

I’m voting Democrat because I want the rest of the world to like us. It makes me feel all ookey to that think there are people out that there don’t like us.

I’m voting Democrat because I hate George W. Bush. He’s always running around with his big ears, talking down to people and saying stupid stuff, like nucyoolar instead of nuclear and inhalator instead of inhaler.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to have my candidates decided by democratic primaries, not by shady backroom caucuses or by a bunch of party insiders.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to know that my president understands how horrible war is and what the costs are. Sure, he might not be a veteran himself, but he’s got a good imagination.

(Hat Tip)

Blatent Bias

Ravenwood:

CNN ignored Obama’s gaffe about wanting to give asthmatic children a breathalyzer, but when McCain says he will “veto every beer”, CNN sells t-shirts.

Literally.

IMAO: What an Obama Presidency Will Be

Frank J says,

Obama has been saying McCain will be Bush’s third term, and McCain has responded by saying Obama will be Carter’s second term. I think that’s a good rebuttal, but maybe there could be more creative analogies for an Obama term.

AN OBAMA PRESIDENCY WILL BE

Beavis and Butthead without Beavis

a lollipop on a windy day at the beach

a Corvette with a potato in the tailpipe

picante sauce made in NEW YORK CITY

Al Capone’s Vault

and…

the DKos first term.

Town Halls

You know McCain’s idea of challenging Obama to a series of Town Hall style events with no moderators or big media productions?  Just a camera and the candidates talking?  It is starting to look like a better and better idea.

Global AIDS Isn’t

So the WHO is finally admitting that if you aren’t gay, whoring, using massive amounts of drugs or swapping blood with other people you aren’t really at risk for AIDS. I could do a whole post on this, and even get into the whole “AIDS is correlated with HIV, but HIV does not cause AIDS” argument, but this part of the article threw me for a complete loop and wrecked any chance that I could form a cogent argument.

Dr De Cock, the Belgian-born head of the WHO’s department of HIV/Aids, also admitted there were ‘elements of truth’ in criticism that the vast sums of money being spent on mass education campaigns would be better targeted at high-risk groups.

Yeah, I know, I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old and am horribly insensitive to other cultures. But I can’t help it, I’m a sick evil bastard.

X-Ray Glasses

Did you ever read comic books? Did you ever look at those ads on the black and white pages promising all sorts of wonderful gadgets for $1? The classic is X-Ray glasses. It seems like everyone ordered those damned X-Ray spex and every single person was disappointed.

Obama didn’t call his nomination historic in his “I’m kinda sorta gonna be the Democratic nominee eventually” speech. I will at least give him the recognition he deserves for seeing irrational exuberance in front of him.

There is a good chance that Obama is not going to win. McCain has been out of the news for months. For months there has been nothing in the news but Obama and Clinton. And McCain is still neck and neck with Obama. Got that? McCain is keeping up with Obama and he’s not even doing anything. That’s not an accomplishment for McCain — that is a weakness in Obama.

And even if he does win, he isn’t going to bring the CHANGE that people are expecting. He can’t lower the oceans, no matter what he says. (Never mind that the oceans have been rising for the last 18,000 years.) White People and Black People aren’t going to start getting along by magic. He’s not going to be able to do anything about poverty, or police brutality, or low test scores, or anything else that I have heard bandied about in the last couple of days.

I’m looking at America, and I feel like the parent who’s kid is begging him for the X-Ray specs. I know that if I tell him no, he is going to sulk around because he didn’t get his fantasy indulged. I also know that if I buy them for him, he is going to be crushed when his fantasy is exposed as a fraud. America is screwed either way now. Four more years of this partisan bullshit is all but guaranteed now.