Archive for the ‘Filthy Lies’ Category.

A Random Lie

So what does White Glenn have on the head of his bed? These are the sorts of questions that kept me out of the good schools. Since I am Alliance Secret Agent Man, I decided to call in a favor with a script kiddie cousin of mine, and I had one of White Glenn’s Robo-maids hacked to return video. Here is what I saw:

  • A dogeared copy of “Are You There, Allah? It’s Me, Osama”
  • A Ronco Inside the Skin Puppy Scrambler
  • A wallet that says “Bad Mother Hobo Killa”
  • A manuscript titled, “How to Take Over The World With a Website by Glenn Reynolds, Lawyer” (heavily edited in puce crayon)
  • Three monkey toes
  • A Pirate Map with a big X labeled “Saddam’s WMD”
  • Garlic Repellent
  • Tinfoil Fedora
  • Five years of toenail clippings
  • One unused prophylactic. One soiled
  • A highlighted copy of “The Anarchist Hobo Cookbook”
  • An autographed photo of Fidel Castro. Nude.
  • One pissed off monkey with a limp
  • A detailed dossier entitled “The Everlasting Phelps” with “DIE DIE DIE” scribbled on it in puce crayon

Crap. I gotta go.

White Glenn Strikes Again

glennsign.jpg

(Make your own at the Church Sign Generator)

Chemical Blending

So, where was the Puppy-Blender at today? Virginia isn’t so far from Tennessee. We have some Dogs Burned With Acid in Virginia and the Insta-Blender takes a looong time off from blogging today? Hmm? HMMMMM I say!

Acid. A new marinade, perhaps? Looking for a way to liquify them without blending? Hmm? HMMM?

(It is a joke. A morbid one. I do that some times. I don’t think Glenn did this, and I think that the person who did it is a dispicible piece of shit. Show us Alliance fellas where that person is, and we’ll beat the everlasing hell out of him, OK?)

Via Acidman

Carnies

I think I know what White Glenn’s favorite music is. Carnival Calliope music. One of the dark secrets White Glenn harbors from his hundreds of years as a hobo-smiting vampire is that he is… a carnie.

Yes, White Glenn is a member of yet another one of society’s classes even more hated than gypsies. I suspect that it was at this point in his hundreds of years that he acquired the taste of blended puppies. His town hopping with the carnival helped him evade the posses and sheriffs of the day, as he murdered and supped on hobo after hobo, in the very same railyards that the carnival travelled through.

Behold — White Glenn the carnie:

carnival.jpg

We must stop this puppy-blending hobo-smiting Deal-A-Mealing Vampire Assassin Robot-Dancing Penguin-pornographing Tiddlywink-fixing DEMOCRAT!

Instapundo delenda est!

Puppy Blending Vampire Assassin

I live in Dallas, so even though it happened before I was born, the Kennedy Assassination is something burned into my psyche by proximity. I know a lot of the stories of that day, and one of the more interesting ones is the story about the three “well dressed bums” that were arrested and then mysteriously released, with no record of the arrests surviving.

A lot of people think that these bums are connected to the assassination, as the rail yard is at the top of the infamous “grassy knoll” in Dealey Plaza that many believe that the real assassin shot from. When I thought about that today, I felt a little tickle at the back of my mind… and I looked up the picture. What did I see?

Glenn_killer.jpg

Take a good, hard look at the third bum, furthest to the left. I am certain that this is non other than the Puppy-Blender himself! Take a look at the closeup!

Glenn_zoom.jpg

There is no doubt that this is the hated spawn of Satan. However, even I am cautious about throwing around accusations of presidential assassination. It is then that I realized why they were released. The police knew that they didn’t assassinate Kennedy, because they knew the real reason they were in that rail yard amongst the bums — they were a hobo smiting cabal. Conspiracies within conspiracies, my friends.

Think about the implications. We learn two things from this evidence: first, White Glenn is not only a hobo smiter, he is indeed a member of an entire hobo smiting secret society, and two, he has not aged a day since 1963. That means that he is a vampire, or some other form of immortal occult monster. This would explain his insatiable lust for puppy blood. We are at the cusp of uncovering a murderous plot with worldwide implications, my fellow countrymen. Join us now, before it is too late!

Instapundo delenda est!

Franky has declared war on the 800 Pound Gorilla.

No more!

I spit upon my Instapundit permalink. I shiver at the touch of his wretched Instlanches. And I especially mock and deride his 74,000 daily visitors. That’s right. His tens of thousands of visitors is so pitiful it makes me laugh. For there millions our there, millions and millions who will soon see the power of the blogosphere… but only when this obstacle is removed.

Instapundo delenda est!

The Enemy must be destroyed, and then true democracy will come to the blogosphere. They will see our brillance, no longer filtered through the one, and they will be awed. So we must strike against Instapundit.com, and we must strike against it so hard with so loud a battle cry that the isolated tribes in Africa will shiver in fear. In the sound of battle, everyone will soon take note of the blogosphere, and, when the dust settles and the Enemy has fallen, they will no longer look to the Rush Limbaugh on the radio for commentary, they will not look to O’Reilly on the T.V. for analysis, and they will not look to the New York Times for news… THEY WILL LOOK TO US!!!

I need not just blogs to help in the battle, but blog readers as well. All people of all crafts need to join together and get the blogosphere the recognition it deserves. We need people to make banners, people to get the attention of the media, and people to keep an eye on the Enemy as his scheming to stop us.

We are the future, people. Our actions now will decide the fate of the world. And your grandchildren will ask you about the great blog war and upon which side you stood. Will you tell them you sided when the Enemy, forever to be his slave? Will you tell them you sat on the sidelines like the Swiss, mired in irrelevancy? Or will you tell them you took a stand for freedom, for democracy, and for intelligent news commentary?

Those are your choices. Bow before Instapundit.com and I promise you continued enslavement and a weakened blogosphere, but follow me and I promise you the respect you deserve, hundreds of millions of readers to split between us, and bag and bags of money.

WHO IS WITH ME?!!!!

Lead on, McDuff. And damned be he that first cries, “Ho! Enough!”