The Everlasting Phelps

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

For Rachil Lukis

July 12th, 2013

For those who don’t know Rachil Lukis is a blogger who has been living in all sorts of foreign countries (meaning, outside of Texas) for the last four years and she’s finally coming back to God’s Country.  So I’m taking it upon myself to bring her back up to speed on Dallas.

First, we have beer now.  Not just Shiner.  Lots of beer.  Ridiculous amounts of ridiculously good beer.  This is my favorite yella beer right now, Deep Ellum Brewery’s Dallas Blonde (Goes down easy!):

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The very very very best beer right now is Peticolas Velvet Hammer.  I do love love love this beer.  The name is exactly what it is.

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I don’t have a picture of the bottle because it doesn’t come in bottles.  Why?  Because fuck you we’re Peticolas, that’s why.  You don’t have to worry, though, because we can get growlers of it at Whole Foods now, or even better at Craft and Growler. Which is also new.

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It’s not just beer though.  We have new food too.  We have In ‘N’ Out!  You missed all the insanity of the opening, but you can still get the burgers.  I’ll help you out, “Double Double Animal Style and a Root Beer float.”  Don’t worry that none of that is on the menu, they’ll know what you want.  But when you want a really good burger go to Off Site Kitchen on Wycliff and Industrial.  (Parts of Industrial are now “Riverfront” or some BS but it will always be Industrial as long as I’m alive, just like how “Medical Center” will always be Motor St.)

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They are all good.  That’s the Stock Cheese and it’s only $3.75.  Baffling.

They are finally done with Central Expressway, which means it is time to demolish LBJ and make it unnavigable, which they have done.

Love Field is all new and jacked up.  The State Fair is still awesome.  They are running out of things to dump in deep fryers.  You can buy beer all over the city of Dallas now, and Plano is selling liquor.  John Wiley Price is still going to be getting charged with being a goddamned criminal any day now.  Democrats are still crying babies that can’t shut up about hating GWB even though he hasn’t been president for like 25 years.  It’s still hot.  We have a fake suspension bridge named after a rich old white woman now, which is some sort of huge accomplishment for Oak Cliff. EBJ is still in office and still a moron.

If you have any questions I’ll answer them.

Good Stuff from the Treehouse

March 4th, 2012

Amanda wrote a short story.  It’s good.  It’s free if you have a Kindle and Prime, and 99 cents even if you don’t.

Phelps says check it out.

“Was the vandalism that bad?”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly vandalism,” he says. “It was more voyeurism.”

I wait for a few moments. Then I say, “You know, I’m completely in the dark here. Would it really hurt to give me more to go on?”

“Your attacker tried to push himself into your home to see if his attempt was successful. His access to this dimension is limited, so his face presented itself as a charcoal drawing on your wall.”

“That must have been very creepy looking,” I say.

“Damn near hospitalized one of the officers processing the house,” Jasper answers. “Poor guy almost had a stroke when the face tried to talk to him. It will be interesting to see what happens when they try to remove it. As it is, it’s good news for us.”

“How so?”

“It showed me the limits of your attacker’s access here. Not having my resources, he’s relying on substandard equipment and for the moment, he’s stuck.”

The Everlasting Phelps

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.