Archive for the ‘SHHCJVCW’ Category.

The Bad Days and Good

These have been dark days for the Coffee Crusade. Yea, in the last week, the Maker did die. It died a quiet death, forcing your humble narator to walk another 60 yards down the hall to the other Pot. But all was not lost, for the High Priest of the Bean did come, and the Maker was indeed resurected on the third day, and all was good.

Today, I partake of the sacred libation of the bean. Indeed, there is ledge food in celebration, and I have endulged in the sacrament of the bagel and schmear from the Brothers Einstein, and I have tasted the sweet goodness of the Krispy Kreme, and I have had two cups of the Joe without the pot running dry.

These are good times.

The Coffee Song

First, the coffee report. I got in early today, so I made the first pot, and was able to enjoy two full cups from this pot. This afternoon, my luck ran out. Half a cup. Also, I am interested in tracking the coffee situation now that Lent is over, to see what effect the abstinence of a large percentage of Catholics has on the Pot.

Now, for the content that you all came for. These are the lyrics to the Coffee Song that I wrote.

The Coffee Song
By Phelps
Sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture

Coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee
Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee
coffee coffee coffee coffee
COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE!!!

Thank you. The song is traditionally sung while waiting for the coffee to brew.

Happy Coffee Days

Yea, it hath been a happy two days. On yesterday, I did indeed pour a cup of the Holy Coffee for mine self, and did indeed receive the sacred elixir. Alas, in doing so, I killed the Joe — but I made mo. So sayeth the creed.

Today, twice I did go to receive my libations, and twice did I pour the bean juice, and twice did I receive said juice, and at no time did I kill the Joe.

In two days, I did not find the pot empty. Our Super Hyper Holy Crusading Jihadi Vengeance Coffee War is being won. These are happy days.

The Super Hyper Holy Crusading Jihadi Vengence Coffee War is Stepping Up

The SHHCJVCW would like to announce our newest recruit: Terry Tate, Office Linebacker. It has been brought to our attention that Triple T has been a Coffee Jihadi for a long time, with his rousing motto of, “You kill the Joe, you make some mo!” We welcome Terry to the team and look forward to having him up in this Bitch.

COFFEE JIHAD!!!

My blogchile Mexigogue has issued a fatwa declaring COFFEE JIHAAD!!!!!!!. This is a holy war whose time has come.

You know what happened to me today? I went into the break room after lunch for a cup. I thought, ‘Great! Someone actually started another pot!‘ The light was about to go out on the brewing cycle (this is a plumbed in machine.) The light goes out, and I pick up the pot — Empty.

That’s right, between the time it stopped dripping and the time I came in and the light went off, these jackals managed to pour an entire pot of coffee. It is time for some people to pay for crimes against humanity like this.

In an ideal world, this sort of shit wouldn’t happen. You would be able to identify these people by the coffee pot shaped divots in their heads and the “Here Lies an Asshole — He took the last cup” tombstones and keep them away from the pot. But we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world where the courts set rapists, boy bands and coffee infidels loose on the streets. It is time for a little vigilante justice. It is time for some concerned citizens to start disappearing a few coffee infidels.