The Everlasting Phelps

TRIGGER WARNING: This entire site will cause massive butthurt in any precious snowflake that needs a trigger warning for anything.

Happy Times

August 20th, 2014

This makes me happy.  No cop is going to decide to start shooting tear gas and rubber bullets and other bullshit at this protest.  You want to know why the Bundy Ranch protest was a win, and Ferguson is still going on?  Because Bundy Ranch looked like this.

We need more responsible black gun owners.  We need more armed middle aged black men and women, and fewer armed 20-something felons.

Smoking Bans are Not About Health

October 16th, 2013

Why are cities and businesses banning e-cig?  Simple.  Because you can’t ban smokers themselves.

Smoking bans aren’t about health.  The studies claiming a link between second hand smoke and cancer are bullshit.  This is not about health.  This is about signaling to “those people’ that they are not wanted.  Mansfield isn’t saying that there is a problem with e-cigs.  They are saying, “we don’t want the kind of person who uses an e-cig around.”

Smoking bans are about banning smokers, not smoke.

It’s class warfare, and it’s ugly.  E-cig opponents are bigots.

(Once you’ve internalized that one, it’s time to realize that gun bans are about outlawing gun owners, not guns.)

Republicans aren’t “Real Texans”

July 15th, 2013

Wendy Davis is a filthy demagogue and shows it in her own words.

Simply put, this bill would take away access to the most fundamental form of health care women need.

The most fundamental form of health care for women isn’t nutrition.  It isn’t antibiotics.  It isn’t cancer treatment.  It’s not wellness checkups.

It’s abortions. Abortions after 20 weeks on a whim.

Make sure you get that right.  It may be all those “staying alive” things for men, but for women, it’s different.  It’s sixth months abortions.

Real Texans don’t want any woman to die of cancer because she can’t get decent health care or medical advice.

Republicans, on the other hand, love cancer.  Republicans are the cancer lobby.  Republicans sit at home at night and dream of a world where all women have all the cancers all the time.

If Republicans are pro-cancer because of this, that makes her pro-late term abortion.

Real Texans don’t want any woman to lose control of her life because she can’t get birth control.

Republicans want to ban birth control.  That’s the only way her line here makes any sense.  As near as I can tell, birth control is still on the shelves, both before and after the bill.

Texas Republican political leaders take perverse pride in how deeply they have cut our state’s education budget.

Texas Democrat leaders take perverse pride, on the other hand, in how deeply terrible and harmfully our unionized teachers have failed our schoolchildren.

Real Texans want their kids to have the best education possible, not the one politicians looking to brag about budget cuts have left us with.

Absolutely.  In fact, the idea behind vouchers and school choice is that no one wants the best education for your kids more than you.  Wendy Davis apparently thinks she wants the best education for your own kids more than you do.

I have a question for Perry and the state’s powerful politicians who have ignored real Texans for so long:

Can you hear us now? And, more important, are you listening?

We sure are.  And we’re taking notes.  You’ll be eating your words when you have to run for reelection.

For Rachil Lukis

July 12th, 2013

For those who don’t know Rachil Lukis is a blogger who has been living in all sorts of foreign countries (meaning, outside of Texas) for the last four years and she’s finally coming back to God’s Country.  So I’m taking it upon myself to bring her back up to speed on Dallas.

First, we have beer now.  Not just Shiner.  Lots of beer.  Ridiculous amounts of ridiculously good beer.  This is my favorite yella beer right now, Deep Ellum Brewery’s Dallas Blonde (Goes down easy!):

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The very very very best beer right now is Peticolas Velvet Hammer.  I do love love love this beer.  The name is exactly what it is.

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I don’t have a picture of the bottle because it doesn’t come in bottles.  Why?  Because fuck you we’re Peticolas, that’s why.  You don’t have to worry, though, because we can get growlers of it at Whole Foods now, or even better at Craft and Growler. Which is also new.

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It’s not just beer though.  We have new food too.  We have In ‘N’ Out!  You missed all the insanity of the opening, but you can still get the burgers.  I’ll help you out, “Double Double Animal Style and a Root Beer float.”  Don’t worry that none of that is on the menu, they’ll know what you want.  But when you want a really good burger go to Off Site Kitchen on Wycliff and Industrial.  (Parts of Industrial are now “Riverfront” or some BS but it will always be Industrial as long as I’m alive, just like how “Medical Center” will always be Motor St.)

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They are all good.  That’s the Stock Cheese and it’s only $3.75.  Baffling.

They are finally done with Central Expressway, which means it is time to demolish LBJ and make it unnavigable, which they have done.

Love Field is all new and jacked up.  The State Fair is still awesome.  They are running out of things to dump in deep fryers.  You can buy beer all over the city of Dallas now, and Plano is selling liquor.  John Wiley Price is still going to be getting charged with being a goddamned criminal any day now.  Democrats are still crying babies that can’t shut up about hating GWB even though he hasn’t been president for like 25 years.  It’s still hot.  We have a fake suspension bridge named after a rich old white woman now, which is some sort of huge accomplishment for Oak Cliff. EBJ is still in office and still a moron.

If you have any questions I’ll answer them.

The Everlasting Phelps

TRIGGER WARNING: This entire site will cause massive butthurt in any precious snowflake that needs a trigger warning for anything.