“Kettle Black” says Pot Sources

I get lots of crap about seminars that are more than useless. Hell, they should pay me to go and correct their trainers. Case in point: I got a snappy four-color flyer today offering me a seat at the “Business Writing and Grammar Skills Made Easy and Fun!” seminar. I’m looking at it, and it doesn’t inspire confidence. First, I recognize all the stock photos lining the top. Then, right at the top, an improper ellipsis useage. Listen up: an ellipsis is not a colon. Ever.

An ellipsis is also not a semicolon or comma — another problem on the first inside page. The ellipsis annoyance continues on pages 4 and 5.

This line begs to be fisked:

America’s top 500 companies can’t be wrong

Really, asshole? Explain how that is. They are using magic fucking fairy dust to ensure 100% accuracy? Guess what? Enron was a Fortune 500. So was Global Telecom. You know what they are known for now? Is the opposite of not being wrong.

And it’s a steal at $299 a head. And by “it’s a steal” I mean that someone should go to jail over it.

I got another dandy too, from a different name that happens to have the exact same address in Kansas. “How to Build Powerful PowerPoint Presentaitons”. If it was marketed as a beginner thing, I would just pass on it, but they have the audacity to put this in:

Whether you’re a novice or an experienced user who wants to get up to speed quickly on all the new enhancements PowerPoint offers…
[My ellipsis. Used properly. Assholes.]

Let’s look at what they offer:

  1. PowerPoint Startup

    Wow. The difference between templates and wizards. How to save files. How to print slides. Wow.

  2. Creating, editing and organizing slides

    Ooh!

  3. Designing and formatting your slides

    Okay, you get the idea. It isn’t worth either of our time for me to go through.

And they don’t even stretch it to six hours. It’s nine to four with over an hour for lunch. $249 a head. Bleh.

My standards are higher than the pointy haired crowd. I go to useful seminars that actually teach you how to think better. If I want to learn how to use PowerPoint, I’ll RTFM and use my general design knowledge.

When the “Writing and Grammar” flyer is riddled with improper grammar and styling, and the PowerPoint course is covered in horrible design examples, I don’t say to myself, “Wow! I want to see that!” I dump it in someone else’s trashcan so it doesn’t foul my office by proximity.

I have to go take a walk to the other side of the floor now.

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