I Hate TGI Fridays

I really do. I had forgotten that, because I went so long without going to one. I went today. I have a good excuse. I wanted a bacon cheeseburger, and there is no place in downtown Dallas to get a burger after 2pm in the afternoon but Hoffbrau’s, a bar, and TGI Friday’s. I picked Fridays. It sucks to be me.

This was the first time that I can recall that I ever wanted to jump out of my seat and run screaming from the building before my order came back. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. The problem with it is that it is phoney incarnate. I had forgotten how phoney it is.

I was freaked out, just sitting there. I had already ordered, and the waitstaff freaked me out. It was like they were wearing masks, and not good ones. They were as fake as I have ever seen anyone be who wasn’t trying to be fake. I think that is their schtick, but I’m not sure. I started looking around. (I forgot to bring something to read.)

The walls were covered with that Fridays Fake Crap. This has to be the phoniest shit in the universe. Someone with a marketting degree in a high-rise office somewhere held a brainstorming session where they actually decided that they were going to find a bunch of random crap, throw it all together, and then duplicate it across the country a thousand times. Think about that. I’m going to take something that is supposed to look random and duplicate it by formula. It is planned psuedo-randomness. That is the point that I really started to wig out.

I thought about the scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (the movie, not the book) where he is in the bar and freaking out. I felt like that, and I was stone cold sober. I probably could have avoided it. If I had brought a book, I could have tuned it out. If I had been tossing back copious amounts of tasty beverages (like most of the people there) I probably would have forgotten about it after a half-dozen whiskey sours. Alas, I had to suffer through it.

I was getting ill just sitting there. I was getting butterflies in my stomach. That was when the urge to run struck me. The only reason I didn’t was because I had already ordered, and I didn’t want to do that to my pathetic waiter who actually had to work there and act phoney and add to the phoniness and couldn’t acknowledge his shit job and had to sit there and smile at the idiots who came back a second time. I couldn’t heap one more shovel full of crap on him.

The shittiest thing of all is that it was a really good burger. Had a couple of bites, the butterflies went away, I wolfed it down and hit the road. As soon as I walked out the door I felt a hundred percent better. I think I’m still going to be bummed out until after work. I’m going to bowl like I do every Friday night. That is my kind of schlock. (Two Yiddish words in one post and I’m not even Jewish.)

I don’t think they wanted me to talk, really. I don’t think they wanted me to say anything. It was just their way of having… a bit of fun, the swines. Strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.
— Captain Mandrake on the Japanese, Dr. Strangelove

6 Comments

  1. glenn says:

    yeah, I don’t dig TGIF’s either.

  2. Jay Solo says:

    Oddly enough, I don’t think I’ve ever been in one of those.

    At least the food is good. I guess on ignoring the schlock, mileage varies.

  3. Stuart MacKenzie says:

    I work at Fridays and I couldn’t agree more…..except for the fact that you might actually run into a waiter with some personality……but this is a rare occasion.

  4. Todd says:

    I worked for Fridays for 10 years (in Addison, buy the way). I, too, hated it. I used to have customers say, “Everytime I come here something goes wrong.” I always thought, “So why are you here?” As anyone who has been there knows, we had to wear little buttons or pins on our shirts(they called it “flair”). I had one printed that said “FRIDAYS – THE PLACE YOU LOVE TO HATE!” Management said I could not wear it. Fifteen years later, I still go to Friday’s from time to time. And something always goes wrong. I still hate it there. But they can’t make me take off my button.

  5. Phelps says:

    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear.

    (Another demographic that movie hits home with.)

  6. Julie says:

    I work in TGI Fridays in the uk and its amazing, the best job ive ever had. I’m a bar tender there and i never want to leave!