My blogchile Mexigogue has issued a fatwa declaring COFFEE JIHAAD!!!!!!!. This is a holy war whose time has come.

You know what happened to me today? I went into the break room after lunch for a cup. I thought, ‘Great! Someone actually started another pot!‘ The light was about to go out on the brewing cycle (this is a plumbed in machine.) The light goes out, and I pick up the pot — Empty.

That’s right, between the time it stopped dripping and the time I came in and the light went off, these jackals managed to pour an entire pot of coffee. It is time for some people to pay for crimes against humanity like this.

In an ideal world, this sort of shit wouldn’t happen. You would be able to identify these people by the coffee pot shaped divots in their heads and the “Here Lies an Asshole — He took the last cup” tombstones and keep them away from the pot. But we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world where the courts set rapists, boy bands and coffee infidels loose on the streets. It is time for a little vigilante justice. It is time for some concerned citizens to start disappearing a few coffee infidels.


  1. You don’t have glass coffee pots???

    I concur whole-heartedly with your conclusions.

  2. Phelps says:

    We have insulated carafes that the machine brews directly into.

  3. SayUncle says:

    Once a day, I make a ferverent prayer that whoever it is that uses the sugar spoon to stir their coffee (thereby causing the spoon to be unusable without chunking the sugar) had that spoon shoved up their ass.

    My prayers, as yet, have gone unanswered.

  4. Mexigogue says:

    My coffee brethren have heard the call. The day is upon us when co-worker shall rise up against co-worker and ideology shall be cast aside. COFFEEGADDEON IS AT HAND!