Wrestlemania XX

I just saw Wrestlemania XX from the Gahden. It kicked ass. I went to go watch it at the Movie Tavern which seems to be the best way to go in Dallas — you can pay $50 to watch it at home, or you can pay $4 a head to see it on a fifty foot screen. Some spoilers in the extended entry along with my opinions.

John Cena and the Big Show jerked the curtain. John Cena seems to be perfect for this on PPV, because he did get us and the crowd fired up. He spits mad rhymes, we lap it up like dorky white boys… oh, wait…

Cena put on a hell of a show. Big Show was, well, Big Show. Cena picked his big 500 lbs ass up and FUed him not once but twice. Didn’t blow the roof off, but the roof was in major jeopardy.

Booker and RVD did well. Nothing unexpected or remarkable, other than the usual Wrestlemania awe inspiring performance.

Next was Jericho and Christian. I expected a lot out of them, and they didn’t disappoint. The swerve with Trish was not one that I was expecting. I look forward to seeing her as a heel now. Two CLBs — one Creepy Little Bastard and one Conniving Little Bitch.

Evolution is getting pretty damned tired with me. I’m sick of the guys. Cheap Shot artists being led around by a guy who learned to wrestle with Noah. I liked seeing Mick and Rock back together, and I hope Rock actually sticks around this time, but I hope Evolution bites the dust. Batista is particularly irking. This puffy little bitch can’t even lift the Rock to drop him on the guard rail. Cena is lifting the Big Show over his head for an FU twice in a row, and this puffed up punk Batista can’t even lift the Rock up two feet. Disgraceful.

Torrie and Sable and Stacy and Jackie. Yeah, so it was lingerie. Big whoop. This is Wrestlefuckingmania. I’m expecting T&A when you start out in lingerie. Not bad from a PPV standpoint, but disappointing from a Wrestlemania standpoint. I also don’t get how you go from an Evening Gown match to a pinfall match. You ladies want to start without gowns? Fine. Strip the other one out of her lingerie to win.

The Cruiserwieght Open was pretty entertaining. It exceeded my expectations. I was rooting for Jamie Noble, but mainly because I do a really good Jamie Noble impression and I was hoping to get even more mileage out of it. I like the whole Flash Gordo getup that Rey was wearing, too. We need more superheros in the WWE. Maybe he can hook up with The Hurricane and his SHIT now.

Goldbrick. Brock. Fuck me in the goat ass. This match sucked so hard it hurt to watch. They stunk up Madison Square Garden. The whole arena. Do you realize how bad you have to be to get people to chant booooring at Wrestemania? This was the only bad match in the whole thing, and it was really a black eye for the WWE and Brock. Brock is a really good wrestler, but Goldbrick just queered the whole deal. Austin tried to save it at the end, but this one was stillborn. I hope they just let that whole angle die, and drop Goldbrick from the roster, too. I get the impression that since Goldbrick wasn’t going over on Raw, this was his shot to show that he could work on Smackdown and go over. BRRRRRRRRRRPPP Wrong. Drop him. He’s dead weight.

Scotty and Rikishi vs the whole damned locker room. Another unremarkable but Wrestlemania caliber match. I missed not seeing the Worm but I did enjoy the Robot. Maybe part of it was the lingering stink from Goldbrick. That match really sucked the life out of the arena.

Victoria and Molly. The ending was better than the match. When Mollie got pinned, I turned and said, “I bet she runs.” Bam! She’s off to the races. I like this angle. Victoria seems to be going face, so they need a crazy bitch for the ticket. I’m betting Molly goes completely apeshit out of her gourd crazy with this gimmick. The cherry on top would be if it turned out that Stevie Richards digs crazy chicks, so he dumps Victoria for Molly.

Eddie. He had me worried at first, because they were actually wrestling, and I could still smell the Goldbrick stink. Eddie and Kurt still managed to pull out a hell of a match. It got to be funny at one point though. Eddie would get Kurt and pin him, and I could say, “2” and it would be a two count. “Why are you so sure?” Because Eddie isn’t cheating yet. When I saw Eddie’s feet on the ropes, I knew that he was going to get three. Viva la raza! We lie, we cheat, we steal!

Undertaker. I was hoping so much that they didn’t screw up this opportunity. I’ve been waiting for weeks, hoping that they would bring Percy Paul Bearer back. I was hoping that he would have the old music. I was hoping that he would wear the hat. I was hoping he would sit up. I was hoping he would walk the rope. I was hoping he would draw his thumb across his throat and deliver a tombstone piledriver. I was not disappointed on a single thing. Best event of the night. (It was more of an event than a match.)

It was already 10 by the time they started the three way dance with Shawn, Trips and Benoit. I’m was pleasantly surprised by how good this match was. Shawn busted open way too wide way too early, but that wasn’t a surprise. The look on Trips’ face when he saw HBK for the first time after he was busted open was priceless, though. HBK stands there beside him to deliver a two man German Suplex to Benoit into the announce table, and HHH turns to Shawn, and just stops with this, “Holy Fuck, are you OK?” look on his face. He completely broke character, and that little bit of breaking the 4th wall made the match for me. It made it all click. All three guys put on a hell of a match.

Now that Eddie and Benoit both have the belts, though, I’m betting on a Unification Match at the next joint PPV. Bet.

All in all, if the Brock and Goldbrick match had not taken place, this would have been the best Wrestlemania — best WWE event — ever. As it is, that one single match made it a 9 out of 10 (rather than a perfect 10.)

4 Comments

  1. jack simth says:

    WrestleMania was one then must disspointed sport events in hisotry beause of the macthes frist of all there should have be macths like Rock Vs Goldberg, HHH Vs Brock,Angle Vs breat,Vince Vs Bishoff . with those macth it would greaest ever but with Macths like HBK Vs Benoit Vs HHH Made it the wrost wrestleMania.

  2. the visitor says:

    You hit the nail on the head man.I live in San
    Antonio and I could smell the Goldbrick stink all
    the way from ny birthplace,NYC!He steps foot in my
    birth place and defiles it?! NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!

  3. John Gang says:

    Man Shawn Michaels could of won. Cause if he won it wouldn’t have been so original. But I didn’t really care who won the heavywieght title.

  4. mitchell gap says:

    Goldberg vs. Brock was boring at first. but after Goldberg got the sphere on Brock it got so exciting. I only liked the othe rparts where Brock got hurt cause he looks funny when he gets hurt. His face is all scrunched up and his teeth stick out. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!