White Trash

I had an incident happen to me the other day that showed me that there are a few sure-fire ways to tell if you are white trash. I figured that I could help make the Internet at better place if I shared a few of them with you.

  • You know the trick about cutting slits in your bologna so it doesn’t curl up when you fry it.
  • You’ve turned auto parts into lawn ornaments. Intentionally.
  • You have a story that involves the phrase “watch this” and the loss of your eyebrows
  • When switching radio stations, a few notes of “Enter, Sandman” causes your arm to reflexively turn up the volume and your right leg to reflexively mash the accelerator. (The inspiration for this post.)
  • You mashed more pedals and buttons than potatoes.
  • You’ve broken an air guitar.
  • You’ve had the right to remain silent, but not the ability. (Thanks, Ron White.)
  • You know the words to more than one Guns and Roses song.
  • You’ve been arrested for spraying “Jesus Rules” graffiti on a building.
  • Metalflake paintjobs hypnotize you.
  • You’ve doubled the value of your home by buying a stereo.
  • You have more than one animal tattoo.

Feel free to fill in any gaps.


  1. Well, it’s .38 Special or Skynyrd or ZZTop for me, but I get your drift. The bologna trick works on salami as well, whenever you feel like a change of pace.

    Add: Your farm truck has KC fog lamps on the rollbar AND the rhino guard for those times you have to light up 20 acres of coastal bermuda.

    Lordy, I could go on.

  2. Lori says:

    Speaking of frying balogna, another white trash breakfast recipe is to scamble eggs and add a can of potted meat to the eggs, as they begin to cook. It’s delicious on toast. Yum!

    You can do the same for lunch too…just by eating the egg/potted meat combo on a slice of bread that’s had Miracle Whip spread on it. Lettuce and tomato are a nice addition too. Double yum!

    Even though it’s been years since I have lived among my white trash family members and have gone on to make a better life for myself, I must admit that my grandmother’s “cheap-o” breakfast recipe warms my heart to this day. It was her way of feeding so many mouths at the morning breakfast table. It’s the simple things in life…they’re priceless.