Bad Lawyers

Tiger has a list of way to tell you have a bad lawyer. I have more. (Read his, then mine.)

  • He asks you if he should wear a suit to court.
  • When you ask him if he has ever been held in contempt, he has to think about it.
  • When he shows up at the courthouse the judge asks him, “is this pro se or pro bono?”
  • His business cards have a “50% off” coupon on the back.
  • His engagement letter is signed in crayon.
  • You ask what his bar number is and he gives the phone number for the local strip joint.
  • You ask him if he has a brief and he says, “No, boxers.”
  • He isn’t prepared to speak, because, after all, it is a hearing, not a speaking.
  • You are the security check at the courthouse and he asks you if there is any metal in crack.
  • He watches My Cousin Vinnie and then bills you two hours for “research”.
  • His idea of voir dire of a witness is to ask, “Oh yeah, well what makes you such an expert?”
  • He keeps his notes on a Big Chief tablet.
  • He has to drop your case to help a Nigerian Prince who just emailed him.

C’mon, people. There have to be more.


  1. Tiger says:

    And here I was thinkin’ I was among those who were not bad lawyers, then looked at that box of crayons and the Big Chief tablet layin’ right there on my desk. Oh well, there went my day.

  2. Ted says:

    LOL Love the ‘Vinnie’ line.