The Worst 10 Americans

Kim du Toit links to Rodger Schultz’s 10 Worst Americans, describing them as people who’s death at infancy would have had a salutary effect on the nation’s health. I think I’ll join in, although my list is much more holistic. Take a look at his, and then mine.

  • 10. Jimmy Carter. Jimmy is living proof that a genuinely good person with shit for brains can cause a hell of a lot of problems. Jimmy never met a dictator that he didn’t think could be turned to God with a little fellatio. His accomplishments according to the Wikipedia are “the Panama Canal treaties, the Camp David Accords, and the SALT II treaty with the Soviet Union.” Given that giving away the Panama Canal was a military blunder of Biblical scale, the Camp David Accords simply shifted the support for terrorism from Egypt to Jordan and Syria (for a few years) and the SALT II was never actually ratified because the Soviets never actually had any intention of adhering to it, this says a lot. It says Jimmy Carter’s accomplishment are when he managed to put off getting blamed for his fuck ups for a decade or two. He founded the Department of Education, which is why Johnny still can’t read, let inter-agency power struggles cause the Desert One fiasco and bought the hostages a nice stay in Tehran until Reagan said harsh words to the Iranians and got them released, and was so feckless that the Saudis thumbed their noses at him and shot oil prices through the roof for no other reason than that they could.

    After he was president, he went on violate the Logan Act on a regular basis by failing to negotiate peace in Bosnia (result: genocide), failing to negotiate peace with the PLO (result: terrorism), failing to negotiate with North Korea (result: likely nuclear power with poofy-haired madman holding the trigger), and failing to negotiate peace with Saddam (result: Saddam getting punched in mouth and dragged out of spider hole. Okay, I’ll give him that one.) He was also awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002, which is only relevant in the sense that it had already been awarded to Kofi Annan (embezzling overseer of U.N. Rapists) and Yassir Arafat (bodyguard buggering murderer, terrorist, embezzler, and dictator) and Nelson Mandela (buddy of Castro and Ghadaffi and failed armed rebel who’s main accomplishment was getting thrown in jail.)

  • 9. Dr. Benjamin Spock. Dr. Spock was a major force in the pussyfication of America. He was responsible for the death of corporal punishment in America, which has bequeathed on us the specter of generations of depraved sociopathic criminals… that we have to get rid of through the ultimate in corporal punishment. He was also an ardent leftist and an anti-Vietnam shithead. He was mostly wrongheaded, veering from this path only when he was flat-out wrong. It is said that Dr. Spock had more to do with parenting than anyone in the 20th century, and I think that the miserable failure of parents in the late 20th century illustrates this better than anything.
  • 8. Neal Dow. Neal Dow was a prohibitionist who got the Dow Act passed in Maine. This eventually lead to National Prohibition, organized crime, the rise of the Treasury Department as jackbooted thugs and the BATF. Maybe if the miserable shit had been a little more personable, he could have gotten invited to a party, got drunk, caught Syphilis and died blind and demented.
  • 7. Henry Ford. Henry Ford was a Nazi, a fascist, and vicious anti-Semite. He loved Hitler, propagandized for him in America, sent him money, viciously attacked American Jews when he could get away with it, and founded the Ford Foundation. The Ford Foundation has given hundreds of millions to leftist and domestic terrorist groups like Tides, Greenpeace, PETA, the Rainforrest Alliance, Union of Concerned Scientists, International Forum on Globalization, etc. I supposed that means they are faithfully carrying on Ford’s legacy of anti-Americanism, fascism, and Nazism.
  • 6. Harry Anslinger. Harry Anslinger started the proud American tradition of lawmen lying to Congress about drugs to get funding and power. Anslinger was the first “Drug Czar” (an apt title if there ever was one) who was a crony of William Randolph Hurst and a proud peddler of anti-narcotic propaganda. He also was a peddler of the despicable “Cocaine Crazed Nigger” myth, along with the “Marijuana Crazed Nigger Rapist Looking for White Women” shit. He was a foul, jack-booted thug, and should have been shot in the fucking head in the 20s.
  • 5. William Randolph Hurst. Hurst was a propagandist, a war-monger, and a megalomaniac. He started the Spanish American War to make a buck and a laugh. He cheated on his wife for thirty some-odd years, is rumored to have murdered a man on a boat trip, was a Nazi, an anti-marijuana propagandist, and an all around shitheel with more money than God.
  • 4. Alfred Kinsey Kinsey made perversion acceptable. Kinsey was a pedophile, consorted with pedophiles, and aided and abetted pedophiles. Kinsey legitimized polygamy, homosexuality, sadomasochism, and pretty much any other perverted, depraved sexual act you can think of. He was a despicable pervert hiding in a white coat, and was the one that you could count on a lecher to point to when he got caught.

    And, he was a shitty scientist. See #2.

  • 3. Joe Kennedy Joe Kennedy was a criminal. Joe Kennedy was a prohibition bootlegger. Joe Kennedy was a mobster. Joe Kennedy was a Nazi. Joe Kennedy was an inside trader and stock fraud. Joe Kennedy parlayed his mob connections and ill-gotten fortune into political power, which he used to promote the now despicable Kennedy political clan, which bought us the womanizing John Kennedy (who also managed to get us into the Vietnam War), the vindictive AG Robert Kennedy, and the deplorable Ted Kennedy, along with a myriad of other Kennedy crooks and rapists. Like father, like sons.
  • 2. Carl Sagan. My beef with Carl Sagan is that he is a fucking fraud. I don’t mean that he didn’t come up with some useful theories in astronomy; I mean that he used those modest gains to swindle, defraud, bamboozle and lie to the American public for his own political gain. He betrayed America’s trust of science.

    Sagan was a proponent of the Drake Equation. I’ll grant that it is an interesting intellectual exercise, and even hold the logic to be sound. However, I wouldn’t present it as scientific evidence. Sagan did. Sagan was a proponent of the idea of Nuclear Winter. Nuclear Winter was, in scientific terms, “Bullshit”. It was a lie born of political belief, and that is something I cannot forgive in a scientist. Sagan was a proponent of Skepticism, which seeks to throw the scientific method (proof is proof) out and instead supports having a double-standard for things that he and his atheist buddies find distasteful. He coined the phrase, “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof,” which is the most anti-scientific phrase I can conceive of.

  • 1. General William Sherman. GEN Sherman was the first war criminal in America. Sherman was, in my views, the first American to wage war on his own brothers. His crimes against humanity are on the order of the crime of slavery itself. I don’t hold the American institution of hereditary slavery lightly, but in this case, the cure is as bad as the disease.

    Sherman murdered, plundered, and burned out his own countrymen. The Civil War started a trend of treating Americans as subjects rather than citizens (leading directly, in my mind, to the modern atrocities like The Branch Davidian Massacre in Waco) that has grown all the way up to modern times.


  1. docjim505 says:

    “… he could have gotten invited to a party, got drunk, caught Syphilis and died blind and demented.”


    Regarding Sherman… I’m a Southerner, so natch he ain’t exactly high on my list of favorite people. I do believe, however, that he’s gotten a bad rap as something between a malicious thug and a drooling psycho. Sherman and Grant believed that the only way to break the will of the CSA and bring the (very bloody) war to a conclusion was to make Southerners feel “the hard hand of war.” One can argue whether or not the strategy had merit, but he did it for reasons that, odd as it may seem, were for the best.

    Great list; I’d never heard of Dow or Anslinger; learn something new every day.

  2. Eric says:

    Surely you could either expand your list by 1 or bump someone off to make room for Margaret Sanger.

  3. Phelps says:

    Sanger is a small fry on the grand scheme of things. Kinsey did much more damage.

  4. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    You gotta lay off Sherman! The guy fought a war like war is supposed to be fought! You pound your enemy so hard that he no longer has the will to fight! He didn’t pussyfoot around. Ease up on Mandela you might want to read a little more history on him he did a little more than get thrown in jail ya know.

  5. Phelps says:

    Oh, I agree that Sherman would have done a good job, had he been fighting the Mexicans, or the Canadians, or the French, or some foriegn power. But he wasn’t. He was fighting (what he professed to believe to be) his own countrymen. I can’t excuse that.

    And I’m well versed in the Mandela Chronicles. That’s why I’m convinced that apartheid ended in spite of what he did, not because of it. And I have a strict 2 murderous dictator rule. You buddy up with more than one murderous dictator, you are a shitheel.

  6. Citizen Quasar says:

    Nine out of ten ain’t bad but, you only get eight and a half out of ten.

    Yes, Sagan was a Communist and, according to his biography, a dead-beat dad twice over according to his estranged wives and kids. HOWEVER, Drake’s equation IS a valid construct.

    As for Sherman, he loved the South and effected scorched-earth warfare as a matter of policy to expedite the end of the Civil War which had ground to a standstill. I liken your argument(s) against his tactics as saying that we should not have nuked Japan in WWII.

    If your going to “go there” with your list, why not put that military genius Robert E. Lee on the list? Lee could have been a general on either side and chose a geographic boundary, his estate being in Virginia, rather than a moral principal, the evils of slavery, to decide which side benefitted from his genius.

  7. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I think you are a little off on Mandella, but I agree dictators suck!! Unless they are on our side!

  8. Phelps says:

    I agree that we should have nuked Japan. I don’t think we should nuke Chicago if they decide to secede. That’s the difference to me.

    Drake’s Equasion is an interesting thought exercise, but since at least half the variables have no scientific basis to be anything (and could very likely be 0) then it isn’t useful for forming hypotheses.

    And as for dictators, I don’t care which side they are on. That is my main beef with Bush 41.

  9. Elvis Lives says:

    10-Jimmy Carter-First of all, I could see your beef with Jimmy carter. He showed a real lack of leadership by opting to just negotiate with Iran. He should have had the good sense that Regan had. He should have bought the hostages back with stinger missles. He could have called it “Arms for Hostages” or something like that. Besides, who could like A guy who houses the homeless, feeds the hungry and supplies the poor with clean drinking water.WHAT A DICK!

  10. Elvis Lives says:

    10-Jimmy Carter-First of all, I could see your beef with Jimmy carter. He showed a real lack of leadership by opting to just negotiate with Iran. He should have had the good sense that Regan had. He should have bought the hostages back with stinger missles. He could have called it “Arms for Hostages” or something like that. Besides, who could like A guy who houses the homeless, feeds the hungry and supplies the poor with clean drinking water.WHAT A DICK!

  11. Elvis Lives says:

    10-Jimmy Carter-First of all, I could see your beef with Jimmy carter. He showed a real lack of leadership by opting to just negotiate with Iran. He should have had the good sense that Regan had. He should have bought the hostages back with stinger missles. He could have called it “Arms for Hostages” or something like that. Besides, who could like A guy who houses the homeless, feeds the hungry and supplies the poor with clean drinking water.WHAT A DICK!

  12. Mexigogue says:

    Re: feeding the hungry. When I was younger I used to think that people had to throw bread to the ducks because they couldn’t make it on their own. Then in 1990 Governor John Engler cut General Assistance in Michigan. I thought all the ducks would die but the next thing I know all those motherfuckers were working at Burger King and Meijers. It was then that I realized throwing bread at ducks does more harm than good.

  13. Elvis Lives says:

    So if we stop helping to feeding the poor in Kenya and Darfor, maybe, just maybe, they will build Burger Kings and feed themselves. Great idea. It would be the first Burger King constructed of sticks and mud and on the menue they would have …..nothing? Oh yeah. No food. That is why they are hungry in the first place. But you are right, Mexigogue. We should get right on that. Hey, if they build Starbucks the cafine buzz will help increase their productivity! They will get their Burger Kings built even faster. It is a plan! PEACE CORP HERE I COME!!!

    Do you think they would eat poultry? I hear Michigan is crawling with some fat ass lazy ducks. Should be easy to catch the fuckers.

  14. Mexigogue says:

    Who in the hell made me the caretaker of Kenya and Darfor? What do they have to do with me or mine? Why should I care? What makes them my responsibility? Why should I place THEIR needs above MINE? What made me a non entity? You know what? If I starve, that’s my fault, not theirs. If THEY starve, what makes it MY fault?

    I refuse to immolate myself for the needs of others.

  15. Elvis Lives says:

    You are part of the problem if you have the power to help and refuse to because, “hey what have they done for me.” You know what though. It is not your fault or your responsibility. The least you and Mr. Phelps can do is show a little respect to people like Jimmy Carter, when they try to get people to do the right thing (feed the starving, treat the ill, generally make the world a better place).

    By the way where the hell is Andrew Jackson this list of horrible Americans? Did he escape the wrath of Phelps list? I get it. You can kill and displace thousands of Americans as long as they are NATIVE AMERICANS!

  16. Citizen Quasar says:

    Damnit Phelps. I thought you had some kind of a brain. Your stock just dropped BIGTIME!

  17. Mexigogue says:

    Kudos to Jimmy Carter if he did these things out of his own pocket. He’s a thug if he did so from the public coffers.

    Your unspoken working premise, Elvis, is that anyone who produces and is successful is guilty before all mankind. It is that if you have two more dollars than your neighbor you should throw yourself down and beg forgiveness or better yet empty your pockets to him. In that worldview success is immoral and the only true virtue is to be poor.

    It is ok for you to donate your dollars to people you don’t know in order to reward failure. It is immoral that you would require everyone else to.

  18. Phelps says:

    Jackson didn’t “escape my wrath.” Jackson would be far, far down on my list. He would have Jefferson, FDR, Wilson, Coolige and a whole slew of other presidents in front of him. Chances are, if you think Jackson was bad, you also think Bush 43 is bad. I don’t agree.

    As for you, Quasar, it is opinion. I’ve got mine, you’ve got yours. Put your list up on your blog and tell everyone why you think your worst are there.

    And for the record, I did show a little respect for Carter. That is why I called him “a genuinely good person with shit for brains.”

  19. Eric says:

    Sanger is a small fry on the grand scheme of things.

    20 million (and counting) aborted babies might beg to differ, but I guess it’s all subjective anyway.

  20. Mexigogue says:

    Mutual Benefit is Bad, Hm’kay?

    I just thought of something. There’s been a rip roaring debate on Phelps’ blog regarding altruism and the supposed duty people owe to the rest of mankind. It has been my opinion that one person’s failure does not give them…

  21. Elvis Lives says:

    Just to put the record straight. You said Jimmy Carters death would have a “salutary effect on the nations health”. You said that America would be a better place if Jimmy Carter was dead. Whats more, you think it would be even better if he died as an infant. Phelps , when you wish someone had never been born that is DISRESPECTFULL! Now if you will excuse me, I have some online porn to attend to. Long live Kinsey!

  22. Jenn says:

    You forgot me. I’m a lazy dyke and only date men. That’s just wrong.

  23. Peggy says:

    As a Georgian and a Christian, I have serious issues with Jimmy Carter. One of the tenets of Christianity is that your charity is supposed to be done quietly. Doing “good things” so people will see how “good” you are and how much you do for those “less fortunate” is a form of self-aggrandizement. The reward for that type of charity is the adulation of men, because that is what you’re really after. I don’t bother to think highly of Jimmy because he does so much a better job of thinking well of himself than I ever could.
    He believes in “turn the other cheek”. That would be fine if it were only him taking the beating, but it isn’t. He regularly got America’s ass kicked when he was president and he is no better now. As if he gets brownie points in Heaven every time he lays down and lets a dictator walk all over him and his country. He is so full of himself that he believes he is a “good influence” on dictators. He practices Christianity in the “you should only see the good in people” mind-set and that if we just try to be their friends and understand them, they’ll just convert and be nice guys. Dictators love useful idiots like Carter.
    I don’t know if I agree that Jimmy is a genuinely good person. But I’m very sure that he thinks he is.

  24. Phelps says:

    I didn’t forget you, darling.

  25. HMT says:

    “Jimmy never met a dictator that he didn’t think could be turned to God with a little fellatio.”

    Silly Phelpsie, don’t you know all major political and business decisions are made as a result of blowjobs?

  26. Elvis Lives says:

    One of Peggy’s points seems to be, that when a leader bases his decisions strictly on religious belief without regard for its effect on the county, the results can be disastrous. I agree.

  27. Mexigogue says:

    And the only reason Jesus was nonviolent was because he and his followers were outnumbered. I bet if he would have had more backup he would have knocked the wind out of somebody!

  28. Elvis Lives says:

    Yeah, Jesus was a real asskicker. I bet if he were alive today he would belong to the NRA.

  29. Phelps says:

    I don’t know, G-Whiz hung out more with fisherman than hunters. Let’s face it, guys — G-Whiz was a hippie.

    Which I think makes Ted Nugent the anti-Christ.

  30. Mexigogue says:

    It’s ridiculous to look at a couple of instances of non-violence in the life of Jesus and then determine by that that Jesus would have been opposed to violence in all instances. And if you’re the kind of person that can’t imagine Jesus knocking somebody flat on their back, then I feel sorry for you!

  31. Citizen Quasar says:

    And Jesus entered the temple three days before his crucifixion…

  32. Elvis Lives says:

    WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CHURCH DID YOU GUYS GO TO? I guess I could see your point though. If you take a picture of Jesus, give him a red headband and an M-60, BAM YOU GOT RAMBO! AMAZING! I thought Mell Gibson was the only holy roller who did action films. I guess Sly was in to that whole Christian action thing too. You do have to wonder though. If Christ was such a violent bad ass, maybe he would have used some of his Jackie Chan-style moves while they were trying to NAIL HIS ASS TO A POLE!!!

    By the way Ted Nugent is the Anti-Christ. Not because he loves guns. He is the Anti-Christ, because his music has caused more human suffering than either PLAGUE or FAMINE!

  33. Phelps says:

    Actually, I just figured that since, you know, like, Bizzaro was the anti-Superman, and he looked just like Superman but acted pretty much like him except you reversed a few key things…

    When you think about it, Ted Nugent is pretty much Jesus without the drinking and more killing furry things.

    And everything that I know about church I learned form cartoons.

  34. Mexigogue says:

    Oh no. Elvis, are you one of those people who think that guns are capable of independent volition and they have moral alignment and they’re all set to “evil”?

  35. Vivian Louise says:

    You called it on Spock AND Kinsey, both of them seriously flawed in their thinking. It seems to me that all you need to convince your average person you are correct is a lab coat, good presentation and sincerity, not facts or truth, just a little sugar.
    The other thing I noticed was how many frickin’ communists and Nazis are on the list. Flawed, selfish thinking leads to criminal behavior.
    Jimmy Carter – idiot. serious idiot. bootlicking stupid can’t correctly interpret scripture or discern between personal actions and the actions of a state. Two different things. If your buddy slugs you, you can turn the other cheek, if a murderous illegal regime assaults your sovereignty and holds hostage your diplomats you kick the shit out of them. National sovereignty and the involuability of your diplomats is what makes the world go around safely, when that is violated you respond with swift force. He’s just pissed that we didn’t like him enough to ask him back for another 4 years of failure.
    Great List. Margaret Sanger Would be on mine though. Evil Slut.

  36. Phelps says:

    You know, I just realized that the one person that people have the biggest beef with being on my list is the one that I ranked as the LEAST damaging to America. I think that is a pretty good endorsement of the list.

  37. Thanks for the read.

    I reposted your link on my blog.

  38. AbbaGav says:

    I don’t think Jimmy Carter would be all that bad if he just stuck to things he’d be good at. For instance, my suggestion of a new career path for him is: babysitter. I think he’d be great at it.