Archive for June 2005

Polite Society

Asshat Wolcott takes issue with the adage, “an armed society is a polite society.” He seems to think that the Old West was an exception to the rule. He cites wonders like this:

Maybe I’ve been mistaken all these years. I used to think Japan put a high premium on politeness, protocol, and the fine points of deportment. Those Ozu movies–they must have fooled me.

They did fool you. You missed all the Samurai Swords that all the Samurai were carrying around. You know, the ones they used to execute impolite peasants with? You missed them by about 50 years.

Asshat. Watch less Ozu and more Kurosawa. Ozu’s ass sucks canal water.

Top 10 Movie Quotes

Kurt Russel, Action Superstar

To start shit with HMT, here’s 10 Reasons Why Kurt Russell is a better Action Star than Arnold.

  • 10. Firemen are cooler than cops.
  • 9. Ra blows up better than the Predator.
  • 8. Kurt has a killer Elvis act.
  • 7. Wyatt Fucking Earp.
  • 6. Kurt has co-starred with Stallone.
  • 5. Kurt can fake an Austrian accent.
  • 4. Captain Ron was way funnier than Kindergarten Cop.
  • 3. Kurt has never been on the juice.
  • 2. Kurt is not related to the Kennedys.
  • 1. Snake Plisskin could kick John Matrix’s ass every day of the week. Twice on Saturdays.

Penn and Teller: BULLSHIT!

If you aren’t already watching P&T’s Bullshit, you really should. I am watching the Big Brother episode right now (I love you TiVo!), and they floored me with a throwaway line that was genius in its clarity of thought.

Bob Barr: There were cameras at the airport where the 9/11 terrorists boarded the airplanes. It didn’t stop them from doing what they did.

Penn (VO): No, Cameras can’t stop terrorists. Weapons. Civilians with weapons on the plane would have stopped the terrorists.

Joe Bob says check it out.

Fantasy Deathmatch

Okay, this question has been vexing me ever since I heard it on The Venture Brothers: Who would win in a fight to the death between Lizzie Borden and Anne Frank?


Boy, Black Eddie on the Russ Martin Show has been hated on a couple of times by black women the last few days. First, there was a woman who was mad because Eddie says N all the time. I (and a few million of my closest friends) think it is hillarious, but she has a problem with it. She thinks that because Eddie makes fun of the word on the radio, that he is making black people look bad. I don’t agree. I think that you can use the word in jest, and take the sting out of it.

The word really can lose its power. When I was working at a black record label and hanging out with gangsta rappers, I still didn’t use it. I almost used it once, though. A bunch of us were hanging out talking about mamas, and it almost slipped out. At that point, my life was so saturated with the word, that it truley meant “person” to me. Eddie is reminding me that it doesn’t even mean that. It is an empty word. That is how it should be. (I only said half of it because I like my b-hole being poo sized, not Nike sided. I probably could have gotten away with one, being the beloved White Mike. If I made it a habit, I would have an ass whuppin coming.)

Today, though, it went too far. Just because Eddie pointed out that some of the people working in Michael Jackson’s house might have seen something but not said something just because MJ is a powerful person, she called him — well, she said “he would be one of those slaves who would run in and tattle on people, ‘massa, they doin this.'” That’s right, she called Eddie a House Nigger. Isn’t that a bitch? If you speak freely around white people, you are a minstrel clown according to the first woman. If you talk about how things really are between the powerful and the weak, you’re a house nigger according to the second.

And I’m telling you now, if you believe either one, you are a hater. I just don’t know why it is black women doing all the hating.

Yeeeeah, baby


Issac Hayes. Free concert. Oh hell yeah. Not only will he be doing a full Shaft set, but apparently he is also going to do some Chef stuff like Chocolate Salty Balls. That is going to kick so much ass.