Roasting Frank J

Frank J is a homosexual pigfucker. I don’t mean that he is into guys, I mean that when he goes to the barnyard, he passes six sows and grabs a pair of boar nuts the size of softballs and starts licking. That is why he hates Muslims. Frank J is afraid that one day Al Qaeda is going to take over Florida, and he and Porky will be stoned for adultery.

Frank J is the unfunniest imbecile in Florida, which puts him high in the running for unfunniest imbecile worldwide. Once you’ve managed to out-unhumor Jeb Bush AND Janet Reno, you are already a Superstar. The only reason you never hear about Jeb In His World is that Jeb is funnier in real life than anything Frank has ever written and could sue his ass for slander, take his trailer and Boones Farm Bottle collection, and leave him too poor to go Pee-Wee himself at the next dollar showing of Babe.

I have heard that Frank J has helped a lot of other bloggers make something of their blogs. Frank J has never done a goddamned thing for me. That cocksucker is so afraid of me that he wouldn’t let me enter his dopey “I realize that I’m not funny so I better find some funny people to surround myself with” contest. And then when I crashed it, the pork-pounder didn’t link to that either.

Frank J is the worst Alliance leader since Jeffrey Dahmer was elected president of the Gay and Lesbian Foodie League of Michigan. Frank J is the worst leader since Molly Ivans started teaching Jazzercise classes. Frank J is the worst leader since Jimmy Carter took over the Legion of Doom and renamed it the Legion of Doom for Humanity and built a house for Aquaman.

Every Alliance member should be jumping into Stryker APCs, invading Florida, and lining up to pound Frank J in the nuts with a frozen monkey. This man has set us back further than Mohammed Atta set back the Arab Fun Flights program. Frank J never talks about the Alliance. The other day, I was nailing his mom, and I asked her, “has Frank ever mentioned the Alliance?”. She said, “Frank who?”. I said, “the gimp with one eyebrow who cried because you didn’t buy him a boar for his 13th birthday.”. I think she said no, but I was done by then, so I got off before the guys in line behind me backed up out the door.

Frank J has been publishing complete shit for three years now. He has gotten so shitty that he is now surrounding himself with all the other shitty bloggers he can find to prove that he’s the shittiest. I will say that he has commitment. If I were to open my webbrowser every day and type in the unfunniest shit in the world, sign my name to it, and then remember that I was going to do the same thing again tomorrow, I would slam my weenie in a sliding glass door over and over until I saw Jesus and he blew my damned brains out in divine mercy.

What else happened on this day in history? I’m glad you asked. Let’s see, July 9, 1950, President Taylor dies of Cholera. That’s fitting. At least he killed a bunch of Mexicans, which puts him way higher on the scale of people than Frank J, who’s only killed a few dates after eating Mexican food. Ike and Khrushchev traded threats over Cuba in 1960. If they had just gone a little further, Khrushchev would have nuked Florida and I would be done with this piece of crap. It’s Tom Hank’s birthday. If you combine Philadelphia and Forrest Gump, you’ve got Frank J, starring Tom Hank’s pimply ass. In 1846, we took San Francisco. ‘Nuff said. Well, this bit sucked. Why in the hell did you ask me?

Maybe I can get some mileage out of Frank J’s site. Here’s one of Frank J shooting like a girl. Meh. Hey, this one is funny! Oh, wait, that was RWD. Wait, what about this one? Oh, right, Harvey. Jesus, this is what a three year pile of shit looks like.

Look, people, we have a responsibility as bloggers. And with great responsibility comes great power. And great power costs great money, as our Lords and Masters at Halliburton have shown. So we all need to give Hallliburton some more money. And sweet, sweet Arab blood oil. Because oil makes the grass grow. And everyone loves smoking grass. Even hippies, and they hate nearly everything.

What I’m really trying to say is that Frank J loves pig cock. Frank J loves pig cock like Howard Dean loves Throat Coat. In that it is the best thing he can think of to have down his throat. The sick communist.

Frank J, not Howard Dean.



  1. Mexigogue says:

    I would slam my weenie in a sliding glass door over and over until I saw Jesus and he blew my damned brains out in divine mercy.

    HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHA!!! You said “weenie”!

  2. GEBIV says:

    Your trackback seems to be broken. But this will be included in the roundup over at The Alliance HQ.