The Gullibility Factor

There’s this crackpot quack that has, as part of his sell, The Gullibility Factor Quiz. This one is too funny to let go un-fisked. These are all true-false:

Drinking milk helps people lose weight.

No, not drinking milk or anything else with calories in it helps people lose weight. So does cutting off your head — try it!

Silver fillings are safe to put in your teeth. Otherwise, dentists wouldn’t use them.

Silver fillings either are or aren’t safe. Whether or not dentists use them is irrelevant.

Cattle in the U.S. beef industry are routinely fed chicken poop, animal blood, expired household pets and other undesirable food sources.

If the cows like it, it isn’t an undesirable food source, is it? Oh, you meant undesirable to us. See, it doesn’t matter if I want to eat chicken poop or blood or whatever, ‘cuz I’m gonna eat me some cow.

People who watch television are not persuaded by television advertising.

If people weren’t persuaded by it, advertisers wouldn’t spend the money.

Food manufacturers offer coupons because they want to help people save money.

No, food manufacturers offer coupons to make more money.

The history taught to American children in public school is true and accurate.

By what standard? Beyond a reasonable doubt? Preponderence of the evidence? This is a question of opinion. Therefore, it should be “agree/disagree”, not “true/false”.

Many common grocery products (including yogurt, fruit drinks and candy) are colored with an ingredient called “carmine” that is actually made from insects: dead, ground up husks of female cochineal beetles.

Yeah? So? Beetles is good eatin’. Try this one: True/False — Many common grocery products contain and ingredient called “honey” which is fermented bee spit. EWWWWWW!

My government would never knowingly lie to me.

People in the government would certainly lie to you. Stop anthromorphising the “government”.

Pharmaceuticals cost so much only because drug companies need more money to invest in finding cures for disease.

Had you left out “only” I would agree. However, it is stupid to say that they only cost so much because of research. Hell, high gas prices can push up the cost of drugs. (Gotta truck them to the store.)

The Federal Reserve is a branch of the U.S. government.

What does basic civics have to do with gullibility?

Banks offer to finance home loans because they want to help people own their homes.

No, banks offer loans to make money. That’s the fun thing about the free market. They get the money they want, you get the house you want. Isn’t life great?

The fluoride added to drinking water is sourced from naturally-occurring fluoride mineral deposits.

Uhh… how far back are we measuring, toxic avenger? In any event, the flouride reacts with the water to form a solution. Flouride molecules are flouride molecules. It doesn’t matter if they disolved from minerals or are from flourine gas bubbled through the water (which is what I suspect, but I can’t confirm from memory.)

Surgical procedures must be proven safe and effective before being practiced on patients.

“I keep trying to cut him with this scalpel, Dr. Brown, but I can’t make the incision! Do you think that maybe this procedure hasn’t been proven safe and effective?!?

Idiot.

Private gambling and internet gambling has been outlawed because the government wants to protect people from the evils associated with this activity.

You’re anthromorphizing the government again.

Inflation is a natural side effect of a healthy, growing economy.

A growing economy is not necesarily at healthy one. Vice versa, too.

Prescription drugs approved as safe by the FDA are safe to consume on a long-term basis.

The FDA doesn’t appove drugs as “safe”. They aprove drugs as “legal to prescribe.”

The U.S. is the most technologically advanced nation in the world.

How do you measure “technological advancement?” By how many people think that you can cure whatever ails you by reading some idiot’s book?

Processed and packaged meat products (hot dogs, bacon, sausage, etc.) are preserved with an ingredient that both the food industry and the USDA absolutely know causes cancer.

There is no such substance that we “absolutely know causes cancer”. There are lots of things that are highly correlated with cancer. Like listening to you.

Buying a home is one of the best financial investments you can make, and home prices will always continue to rise.

Compound. Buying a home is one of the best investments? Absolutely. Home prices will always rise? Absolutely not. Ask the people who bought in NOLA.

Medical schools give doctors a solid education in nutrition, disease prevention and healthy lifestyle habits.

A solid education? Sure. Everything there is possible to know about those subjects? Of course not.

Idiot.

The mainstream news outlets (cable news, national newspapers, network news) in America accurately report war events in Iraq.

Accurately report war events? Sure, for the most part. That doesn’t say anything about how they report the war itself.

The United States of America is a Democracy.

Constitutional republic. We are back to civics again, I guess.

Anything that hasn’t been scientifically proven isn’t true.

Someone needs to crack his sixth grade science book and revisit the scientific method.

Vitamin E is dangerous.

Sure. If I were to, say, mold 157 grains of Vitamin E into a bullet and propel it at 2200 fps at your brain, it would be real damned dangerous.

Idiot.

When you deposit money in a savings account at a bank, that bank holds your money for you until you ask for it back.

Yeah. “We are going to hold your money, and we are going to pay you for the privilege.”

All the clean hydrogen we need to power the world is already contained in crystals at the bottom of the ocean called gas hydrates.

No. Because it can’t power the world while it is at the bottom of the fucking ocean. You have to bring it up first. And then you have to have the infrastructure to actually make that energy useful. I can’t pump hydrogen into my laptop and play solitare.

In 1945, the U.S. dropped two atomic bombs on civilian populations in Japan in order to force Japan’s surrender and “save a million lives.”

Sure. And to test the designs. And to make a political statement to the Russians. And because we are EEEEEVILLLL!!!! Muwahahahahaha!

Having a baby is a patent violation because the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office routinely grants patents on human gene sequences found in all humans.

No. Even if they did grant patents on genomes (which really would be a copyright — maybe a design patent) then you would have to manufacture a baby to violate the patent.

Idiot.

People should avoid all exposure to the sun (or use sunscreen) in order to protect their health.

Yeah. Because Vitamin D is “dangerous” too, right?

There is no cure for cancer.

Death does a pretty good job of stopping the spread of cancer. Why don’t you try defining what a “cure” is? Chemo does a good job. So does radiation therapy.

All foods and beverages are safe to consume in moderation and can be part of a balanced diet.

Sure, since part of moderation is not consuming unhealthy amounts. Geez, this guy probably thinks tautology is the study of underwear elastic.

Most common diseases (cancer, heart disease, diabetes) are caused by bad genes and bad luck.

Most of those diseases are caused by genetic predisposition combined with less healthy habits. You can’t call unhealthy choices “bad luck”. In any event, the most common diseases are colds and other temporary maladies. Cancer and heart disease are by no means “common.”

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a genuine brain chemistry disorder that must be treated with drugs to help children.

Wow, there are so many parts to make that false that you would think he was pushing you in that direction! What is a disingenous brain chemistry disorder? Which disorders must be treated? Which treatments don’t help children?

What a putz. I scored 64: learner. There really only needs to be one question:

This test is really measuring some gullibility quality and can provide useful insight into your world

If you answer true, give yourself 0. If you answer false, give yourself 100.

(Via The Agitator)

11 Comments

  1. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Funny, I’m gonna make me some vitamin E bullets and the shoot them at stupid people

  2. Jenn says:

    I left you a comment yesternight, where’d it go?

  3. Phelps says:

    I never saw it. Either it never went through, or you crashed the server and my host had to restore from a backup.

    Quit crashing my server!

  4. Mexigogue says:

    If the crash was really bad and there’s some raking to be done Jenn’s friend needs a job really bad.

  5. Jenn says:

    I did NOT crash your anything, Mr. Phelps!! But I know that I left you a GLORIOUS comment and it is no longer here.

    Mexi, he said he does NOT want her working for him. Putt attention.

  6. Jenn says:

    I did NOT crash your anything, Mr. Phelps!! But I know that I left you a GLORIOUS comment and it is no longer here.

    Mexi, he said he does NOT want her working for him. Putt attention.

  7. Mexigogue says:

    Mexi, he said he does NOT want her working for him. Putt attention.

    I AM/i> CALM!!!

    Calmer than you are.

  8. Phelps says:

    Just like how you didn’t triple post that?

  9. Jenn says:

    Quit picking on me, damnit! Your comments always give me hell. Along with Mexi’s and UNLV’s.

  10. Jenn says:

    It takes forever and and I get impatient and start clicking post like a retarded kid. So what?