Healthcare and Grocery Stores

John Stossell tells some Painful Truth about Health Care. I like to look at the grocery store as one of the marvels of the modern age. The fact that a supermarket exists is a marvel. The fact that they are ubiquitous is a miracle. But what if we treated our food like we do our medical care?

  • You have three choices on getting something to eat. You can get approved frozen TV dinners. You can go to a diner and pay extra taxes to order ala carte. You can have your employer pay for you to have a card that lets you into an All-You-Can-Eat buffet whenever you want.
  • Because people sometimes get food poisoning if they cook for themselves, any slightly perishable food can only be sold to you once a Chef has decided that you are properly informed on how to store and prepare it. If the dish is sufficiently complicated, you cannot cook it at home.
  • State laws prohibit cooking decisions from being made by anyone who has not received a Culinary Degree from a university accredited by the American Culinary Association. The ACA actively keeps the number of accredited universities artificially low to ensure high incomes for Chefs.
  • Chefs are required to carry Safe Cooking insurance. Any diner of theirs who gets sick or unhealthy, or just plain doesn’t like the taste can sue them for enormous sums of money.
  • The government feels that gluttony is detrimental to society and outlaws especially delicious food. A War on Obesity is declared, with violent raids on underground butter dealers and many doctors refuse to serve obese people from fear of being jailed for butter peddling.
  • Underground cooking flourishes, prompting intrusive government searches for illegal gardens, prohibited stoves and ovens, and Assault Knives.  The budget for the FDA grows exponentially every year.
  • The government heavily regulates how people can pay for food, making it very expensive for eateries to handle the accounting with individuals. This, along with the onerous taxes, drives even more people to get All-You-Can-Eat cards from their employers.
  • Strangely, it turns out that the finest dining establishments end up being overrun by people demanding the cooked to order prime rib.
  • The government decides that you have a Right to Food, and therefore begins issuing All-You-Can-Eat cards to the indigent, the elderly, children, and any other sufficiently sympathetic political faction.
  • Insane demand for free prime rib drives the ala carte price of beef up, driving more people to All-You-Can-Eat cards.
  • The government, in its final act, grants everyone a universal All-You-Can-Eat card. Waiting lists for beef quickly follow, along with government mandated diets for the less healthy.

(Hat tip to Q&O.)

One Comment

  1. Mexigogue says:

    Analogies should always be hyperextended. It keeps the mind limber.