What modern men want

“Why do I have to stop acting like a bitch to get men to like me?” She says that they are intimidated. I think that they are just plain turned off.

Last week I went to dinner with an eligible doctor. As we were finishing the main course, I struck up conversation with the owner (Marco) in Italian — I speak five languages. My date nearly choked on his linguini and spent the rest of the date mute. I had committed the worst dating faux pas: I had outshone my suitor.

No, you acted like a bitch. (6:30)

Yet it would seem I am not the only woman who is wondering whether it is time to hang up her brain and turn into a Stepford Datee. In America research shows successful young women are hiding their accomplishments for fear that their academic achievements and financial kudos will scare off potential suitors.

If by “hiding their accomplishments” you mean “not bragging and trying to one up every date they have” then yeah, that is probably a successful strategy.

And it is no different here. Researchers from Aberdeen, Bristol, Edinburgh and Glasgow universities discovered that high-IQ women saw marriage prospects fall dramatically, but men with high IQs had little trouble finding a mate. They found that for each 16-point rise in a woman’s IQ, her marriage prospects declined by 40%, but the man’s chances of marriage increased by 35% with each rise.

The widespread view is that accomplished women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men start out by saying they want a strong, powerful woman and then end up running off with the secretary. I should know. A few years ago my Swiss banker found my conversation too arty and cast his attentions on a lovely Spanish girl who worked in his office.

Or, maybe high IQ women have bought into the whole idea that being smart and accomplished gives them license to act like a bitch, and guys discover that the secretary is a lot less likely to act like a bitch. Marriage is not an entitlement.

Should women pander to male insecurities? Self-help guides exhort us to flatter the male ego; don’t talk too much and let him make all the jokes if you want him to like you. Well I would rather skewer my eyes out than change my personality.

Or maybe you read “pander to male insecurities” when the book says “don’t be rude and combative.” Here’s some advice from a male: don’t run your mouth the whole time and maybe throw a flattering laugh in when he makes a flat joke. This is called “not being a bitch.” Obviously, you would rather skewer your eyes out.

But now there is a third way. The second-generation feminists — that is, women in their twenties and thirties — have found a new way to solve the alpha-beta paradox. The 21st century sisters have a terrifyingly clear agenda when it comes to finding a mate. They map out their life plans early: rise to the top of their chosen career, get the smart house, the cute kids and curl up in bed with a loving beta male. The alpha girl doesn’t need Mr Alpha to sweep her off her feet and buy her a condo in town; she has enough money to do that herself. She is successful, confident and she wants a caring man who can pick up some of the domestic slack.

Ooh! I know how this one works out! A year later, the alpha girl gets tired of the beta male, and starts bitching about how the beta male guy acts like a beta male all the time. Then she either goes on a string of affairs with various bad-boys or starts boning the alpha-male boss. Since she’s getting some strange from someone else, she acts like even more than a bitch than before, and eventually one of them works up the nerve to break it off. Then she has a reason to hate men even more.

Penelope, 34, a high-earning public relations executive, is married to an actor. They are both comfortable acknowledging that the wife is the chief breadwinner. So it makes sense that it is her career that gets fast-tracked. “John is really irreverent and playful and after I have had people kowtowing to me all day, it is nice to be brought down to earth with a joke.â€?

Does he mind playing the supporting role? “I love it that my wife is this go-getting career woman. I have never been into status anyway, so I don’t feel emasculated by the fact that she earns way more money than me.â€?

Psst. There is more to Alpha than money. A guy with that much self-confidence is probably not a Beta.

2 Comments

  1. Cory says:

    You know this is complete BS, Your telling me she spoke in a foreign language once and the guy said to himself “Shit, she must be smarter than I am, well I guess I cant date this one, nope too smart for me. That would injure my fragile male ego!”

    Did she ever think that maybe the guy was quiet because he was a complete introvert?

    You know what, just look at this picture the great google gods found for me, the whole story becomes much more simple.

    http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/06_02/MulveyDM1906_468x908.jpg

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Some people consider it rude to speak in a foreign language when everybody present is perfectly capable of talking the normal one. At best you’re guilty of excluding a present party from the conversation if that person doesn’t speak the foreign language. At worst you’re actually talking shit about them right there in their presence, in short, being a bitch.