I’m Voting Democrat

In response to this…

I’m voting Democrat because I think that the way to lower gas prices is to increase the costs of the oil companies by making them pay more taxes. I mean, they are just pumping their money out of the ground.

I’m voting Democrat because health care is so expensive that we should have the government pay for it. If it keeps getting more expensive, they can just print some more money.

I’m voting Democrat because I support affirmative action. White presidents have been screwing the country up for the last 200 years. I think it is time we see how badly a black president can screw up the country.

I’m voting Democrat because I think we should have some more gun control. Sure, my cousin was stabbed to death, but hey, imagine how tragic it would have been if she had been shot.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that the borders aren’t open enough. Al Queda and MS-13 don’t scare me — but having to cut my own grass does.

I’m voting Democrat because because I hate Whitey. Always sitting over there, hurting my eyes with all that glare.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that polar bears are more important than fuel costs. After all, if you get cold, you can just snuggle up to a nice fuzzy polar bear.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather die talking to a homicidal dictator than have to live with another war. After all, the Iranians are just like us, except for eating strange food.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather pay more to shop in nicer shops than look at an ugly old Walmart. So what if poor people can’t afford to shop there? The government will take care of them.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather burn corn in my car than let some poor South American eat it. Just let them eat flour tortillas like real Americans.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather people be unemployed than to have to work for less than a living wage. I mean, how can you justify letting anyone work for an unliving wage? It would bring on the zombie apocalypse.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather live more comfortably now than worry about providing a legacy for my children. The little punks never call me anyways.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that we should cooperate with North Korea’s bomb program. They will probably just nuke the Japanese, we did that too, so we are no better than them. The Nips got over Nagasaki and Hiroshima quick enough last time.

I’m voting Democrat because I don’t think that someone should have to move just because some lender let them borrow too much money to buy a house that they couldn’t really afford. All their stuff is already there.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to change the corruption in Congress. All these shady deals and financial wrangling need to stop. The Democrats will take things back to a better time, when politicians were bought with cold cash and stayed bought.

I’m voting Democrat because it isn’t fair to make kids learn anything to graduate from school. They’re just kids.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather have millions of Iraqis die than thousands of American volunteers. The news won’t show me pictures of Iraqis dying, and they should have been smart enough to be born in America anyways.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that we spend too much on the Navy. We haven’t gotten a Top Gun sequel yet, and it’s been like 20 years.

I’m voting Democrat because they are good with money. They can spend way more than they take in. The last time I tried that they repossessed my ‘vette.

I’m voting Democrat because we should stop wasting money on a Ballistic Missile Defense and spend more on research for things like Viagra. What good is it to survive a nuclear attack if you can’t get it up afterwards?

I’m voting Democrat because I want the rest of the world to like us. It makes me feel all ookey to that think there are people out that there don’t like us.

I’m voting Democrat because I hate George W. Bush. He’s always running around with his big ears, talking down to people and saying stupid stuff, like nucyoolar instead of nuclear and inhalator instead of inhaler.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to have my candidates decided by democratic primaries, not by shady backroom caucuses or by a bunch of party insiders.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to know that my president understands how horrible war is and what the costs are. Sure, he might not be a veteran himself, but he’s got a good imagination.

(Hat Tip)

43 Comments

  1. mexigogue says:

    Upon first reading this I thought it was unlike you to be putting forth the straw man arguments, but then I looked at original video you had linked at the bottom, and if I can be excused for using a 70’s expression, right on!

  2. […] Yesterday, Tom decided to poke some fun here linking to a rather not funny video on voting Republican. Some responses here and here. […]

  3. Mikee says:

    I’m voting Democrat because I’m tired of putting up with the divided-government and RINO nanny-state-lite. I want those RINOs to see how a real Socialist totalitarian, ruling all 3 branches of government, can crush our individual rights, destroy our economy, debilitate our military, ruin our international security, and give us HOPE at the same time.

  4. Mikee says:

    I chose my examples above from my fond memories of the first glorious term of Jimmah Carter, who – even more than Nixon – deserved to be kicked in the nuts every time he opened his mouth.

  5. R says:

    Hahaha, what a douchey video. The only time I laughed was when the kid said, “So I can go to Iran!”

    Otherwise, super lame.

  6. nottydreads says:

    Phelps sayeth:
    “I’m voting Democrat because I hate Whitey.”
    ********
    Rest assured that whenever you read the word “whitey” on the ‘innanet’ you’re either getting it from a non-Black person…or someone has stumbled across a script of “SANFORD AND SON” or…you’re reading part of Huggy Bear’s one-line-per-episode of “STARSKY AND HUTCH”, both circa 1973.

  7. Phelps says:

    As long as you give me assurances that every time you see N- on the internet it is from someone who isn’t white.

  8. nottydreads says:

    Ur missin’ the point, home-skillet… “Whitey” simply hasn’t been a part of the vernacular in about 40 years. If you said Reverend Wright said it, there would be some level of believability. But not “Mee-shel”… thas awl…

    …and your “N-” thingy is a strawdog. It’s not offensive to all of us, for one and …depending on pronounciation, it’s pretty much an everyday slang. Hell, if ANYTHING, it’s gotten MORE “popular” since Hillary’s Legions feel such a need to strike out with a little malice in heart at anything black since (a). they came up a little short. OR (b). “Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his “N”-s cheated us women… and the world…out of the best choice in the history of the US…just to please a bunch of Muslim “N”-s who are too stupid to know what’s best for them, so I’m voting for a White AMERICAN…John McCain…Dammit…

  9. You know, Phelps, it really HAS been too long since a Top Gun sequel. That’s beyond criminal.

    As far as the zombie apocalypse . . . I think that’s coming no matter what we do or don’t do. Beware the zombies.

  10. Max Pershing says:

    I love how the republican response is filled with racist, incoherent and factually incorrect statements. Basically, the state of the current GOP.

    1. W is not a veteran (far from it…daddy got him out of actual service) but waged a war on false pretenses.
    2. W made a proposal to bail out the foreclosures.
    3. Millions of iraqi’s were NOT dying until we entered into the area and destabilized it.
    4. W inherited the largest budget surplus (Clinton – Democrat) and turned it into the largest deficit in history. Spenipublicans.
    5. Opening up the forests for oil exploration is only a temporary solution. We really need alternative energy.
    6. No kid left behind was a joke. W has bankrupted the US educational system.

  11. Phelps says:

    I love how the republican response is filled with racist, incoherent and factually incorrect statements.

    Yes. It is.

    1. W is not a veteran (far from it…daddy got him out of actual service) but waged a war on false pretenses.

    GWB has never claimed to be a Vietnam veteran. And the war was not waged on false pretenses. If you think so, name three.

    3. Millions of iraqi’s were NOT dying until we entered into the area and destabilized it.

    You are a moron.

    5. Opening up the forests for oil exploration is only a temporary solution. We really need alternative energy.

    Opening up the coasts, on the other hand, would generally solve the problem. I love how a solution that would last us 100+ years is “temporary” but the potential to raise the temperatures a few degrees over millennium is a crisis.

  12. Max Pershing says:

    GWB was barely in the military…however, he claimed to have “served” during the vietnam era. Very clearly a spin to convince shallow thinkers like yourself that he was some sort of war hero when in actuality he was a draft dodger of the worst kind. He was AWOL and he should thank his lucky stars (read: his father) that he didnt get court marshall.

    False Pretenses for the Iraq War
    1. Saddam and Al Qaeda were in on 911 together. This has been proven false on numerous occasions and every scholar of the middle east.
    2. Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. Completely false and every country confirms this.
    3. Saddam posed an immediate threat to the US. Again, factually untrue.
    4. It is US’s mission to spread peace and democracy. I didnt see that written in the Constitution.

    Nice retort to my statement “You are a moron.” Really showing your intellectual prowess.

    100 years of fuel supply versus destroy the ecology of our planet is not even comparable.

    Its amazing how much like sheeps neo republicans are.

  13. Phelps says:

    He was AWOL and he should thank his lucky stars (read: his father) that he didnt get court marshall.

    He was not AWOL, and that’s slander. You sound like a conspiracy-monger, so I’m about done responding to baseless accusations.

    1. Not claimed.
    2. Every country also confirmed that they believed that Iraq had WMDs prior to the invasion.
    3. Not claimed.
    4. Non sequiter.

    I backed up my moron accusation. I’ll leave it to the reader to decide if I am right. And for someone who spouts discredited talking points as facts, I’m not surprised that the “sheeple” remark was the closer.

  14. Max Pershing says:

    Failing to report to your post is called absent without leave, which he was in Alabama. He simply wanted to go to HBS and didnt “finish” his commitment. That is AWOL.

    1. Al Queda attacked us on 911. He invaded Iraq saying we needed to stop terrorist and it was a direct threat to the United States. That was a lie. He used 911 as a policital springboard to send the US into a war we did not need to fight. That is almost treason in my book.

    2. I can confirm that I believe that you are wearing women’s underwear right now (assuming you are a guy). I confirm I believe it. I have no proof only hearsay…but I am confirming I believe it. Wouldnt you rather me do some sort of investigation or have proof? No country confirmed that they HAD WMD and we crashed in like the wild wild west.

    3. “The threat comes from Iraq. … The Iraqi regime … possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons. It is seeking nuclear weapons. It has given shelter and support to terrorism, and practices terror against its own people. The entire world has witnessed Iraq’s eleven-year history of defiance, deception and bad faith. … Saddam Hussein is a threat to peace and must disarm.” – George Bush

    “Some ask how urgent this danger is to America and the world. The danger is already significant, and it only grows worse with time. … America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof — the smoking gun — that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.” – George Bush

    All based on little or no factual information of the time. He willfully misled the country. I still cannot believe he has not been impeached.

    4. False pretense is that the US needs to spread peace and democracy and without it we will peril. Just untrue. (hello darfur). And BTW, its Non- sequitUr. Nice attempt to sound intelligent.

  15. Phelps says:

    You got me on the spelling quip. You are obviously right because you can spot typos.

    BTW, for everyone else, this is what he Dowded out of the Bush quotes:

    Tonight I want to take a few minutes to discuss a grave threat to peace, and America’s determination to lead the world in confronting that threat.

    The threat comes from Iraq. It arises directly from the Iraqi regime’s own actions — its history of aggression, and its drive toward an arsenal of terror. Eleven years ago, as a condition for ending the Persian Gulf War, the Iraqi regime was required to destroy its weapons of mass destruction, to cease all development of such weapons, and to stop all support for terrorist groups. The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons. It is seeking nuclear weapons. It has given shelter and support to terrorism, and practices terror against its own people. The entire world has witnessed Iraq’s eleven-year history of defiance, deception and bad faith.

    We also must never forget the most vivid events of recent history. On September the 11th, 2001, America felt its vulnerability — even to threats that gather on the other side of the earth. We resolved then, and we are resolved today, to confront every threat, from any source, that could bring sudden terror and suffering to America.

    Members of the Congress of both political parties, and members of the United Nations Security Council, agree that Saddam Hussein is a threat to peace and must disarm. We agree that the Iraqi dictator must not be permitted to threaten America and the world with horrible poisons and diseases and gases and atomic weapons. Since we all agree on this goal, the issues is : how can we best achieve it?

    Some ask how urgent this danger is to America and the world. The danger is already significant, and it only grows worse with time. If we know Saddam Hussein has dangerous weapons today — and we do — does it make any sense for the world to wait to confront him as he grows even stronger and develops even more dangerous weapons?

    In 1995, after several years of deceit by the Iraqi regime, the head of Iraq’s military industries defected. It was then that the regime was forced to admit that it had produced more than 30,000 liters of anthrax and other deadly biological agents. The inspectors, however, concluded that Iraq had likely produced two to four times that amount. This is a massive stockpile of biological weapons that has never been accounted for, and capable of killing millions.

    Knowing these realities, America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof — the smoking gun — that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud. As President Kennedy said in October of 1962, “Neither the United States of America, nor the world community of nations can tolerate deliberate deception and offensive threats on the part of any nation, large or small. We no longer live in a world,” he said, “where only the actual firing of weapons represents a sufficient challenge to a nations security to constitute maximum peril.”

    Understanding the threats of our time, knowing the designs and deceptions of the Iraqi regime, we have every reason to assume the worst, and we have an urgent duty to prevent the worst from occurring.

    Some believe we can address this danger by simply resuming the old approach to inspections, and applying diplomatic and economic pressure. Yet this is precisely what the world has tried to do since 1991. The U.N. inspections program was met with systematic deception. The Iraqi regime bugged hotel rooms and offices of inspectors to find where they were going next; they forged documents, destroyed evidence, and developed mobile weapons facilities to keep a step ahead of inspectors. Eight so-called presidential palaces were declared off-limits to unfettered inspections. These sites actually encompass twelve square miles, with hundreds of structures, both above and below the ground, where sensitive materials could be hidden.

    The world has also tried economic sanctions — and watched Iraq use billions of dollars in illegal oil revenues to fund more weapons purchases, rather than providing for the needs of the Iraqi people.

    The world has tried limited military strikes to destroy Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction capabilities — only to see them openly rebuilt, while the regime again denies they even exist.

    The world has tried no-fly zones to keep Saddam from terrorizing his own people — and in the last year alone, the Iraqi military has fired upon American and British pilots more than 750 times.

    After eleven years during which we have tried containment, sanctions, inspections, even selected military action, the end result is that Saddam Hussein still has chemical and biological weapons and is increasing his capabilities to make more. And he is moving ever closer to developing a nuclear weapon.

  16. Max Pershing says:

    So sad. Seriously, so sad.

    Last thing…only a JO would quote Oliver Cromwell, who complete crushed Ireland through merciless killings, beatings and stealing of Irish property.

    Enjoy your manufacturing job…well, at least until your republicans ship it to India.

  17. Phelps says:

    Yes, only a JO would quote Cromwell in his attempt to forestall a war. Only a JO would quote someone who deposed a tyrant, created the first professional citizen army in centuries, and prosecuted what was at the time a remarkably tolerant invasion of Ireland.

  18. Max Pershing says:

    Again, sad. Just sad.

  19. Max Pershing says:

    One last thing…Why are we in Iraq?

  20. Phelps says:

    Because Congress voted for us to go there and won’t vote for us to leave.

  21. Max Pershing says:

    I will try to ask you again in simple English since you did not answer the right question (very much like Bush).

    Why did America authorize the use of force in Iraq?

  22. Phelps says:

    Because Congress, under its constitutional authority to declare war, instructed the Commander in Chief to prosecute an attack on Iraq in order achieve the goals stated in Public Law No: 107-243.

    If you want to know the philosophy behind it, try asking the Congressmen who voted for it. I can tell you why I supported it, but I can’t open their skulls up and divine what their motivation was.

    I suspect it was for the same reasons that Congresscritters do anything — to get reelected.

  23. Phelps says:

    I will try to ask you again in simple English since you did not answer the right question (very much like Bush).

    This, BTW, seems to be your major malfunction. I answered your question. You failed to ask your question in a way to get the answer that you wanted. You seem to want, on one hand, to go with what you think someone means by reading between the lines, and then, when your line-reading fails to match reality, you want to act like they were the ones out on a limb, because the words they actually spoke didn’t meet your preconceived notions.

  24. Jazzy says:

    Wow this is good wish I had some popcorn handy. We went to war in Iraq because the nation including the mass lemmings of Congressmen and women were willingly misled by our “Leader”.

  25. Jazzy says:

    @Max I do find it interesting how the vast amount of Republicans would like to negate the fact that we invaded Iraq illegally and that we should shift our focus to ensuring their stability while our increasing presence there is weakening our own.

  26. Max Pershing says:

    This statement is profoundly and absurdly flawed that I do not want to even retort.

    However, I would love a simpleton explanation as to why you supported the war.

  27. Phelps says:

    If he is so obviously unreliable, why did Congress listen in the first place? Isn’t it their job to see through that? And isn’t “that’s so ridiculous no one should have relied on it to start with” the same justification that the left side was using to excuse Clinton during the impeachment process?

  28. Phelps says:

    However, I would love a simpleton explanation as to why you supported the war.

    Because Saddam was a murderous tyrant. We had the opportunity to depose him, and I was eager then to take that opportunity. I don’t regret it.

    If an American president was acting even remotely like Saddam, I would support him being deposed by any military means available. Since I think that freedom is a human right rather than an American one, I am willing to extend that the Iraqis as well.

  29. Phelps says:

    I do find it interesting how the vast amount of Republicans would like to negate the fact that we invaded Iraq illegally

    Exactly what was illegal about it? Congress authorized the war. That’s all the legalese needed.

  30. Jazzy says:

    @Phelps Our country was already in a highly stressed emotional state with the events of 9/11 I even wanted some ass kicked (however, I wanted the responsible ass destroyed and not the goatscape). Secondly, I have no doubt that congress was aware that Bush and Co fabricated and stretched the fear of Sadaam’s influence because their constituents are easily led look at the primary elections of this year and who and what was used to pander for their vote.

  31. Jazzy says:

    @Phelps if it is illegal for Clinton to get his knob swabbed in the oval office and lie about then it DAMN well should be illegal for Bush to lie to the America people and destroy the lives of American soldiers.

  32. Phelps says:

    So… it is the President’s fault that Congress acts like Congress?

    I would have thought it was our fault, since we elected both of them.

    Given the two candidates we have in the front now, it looks like once again we are going to get the government we deserve, and we are going to get it good and hard.

  33. Phelps says:

    Take another look at what it means to lie. I still believe that Bush was wrong, not that he was lying.

  34. Max Pershing says:

    First, 99% of the native English speaking Americans would have know exactly the question I asked. You, on the other hand, decided to be obtuse and sarcastic… Good job.

    Second, using 911 as a springboard to launch an unjust war. Playing the fears of attack on the US people is not only immoral, its a crime. If I yell fire in a movie theatre, I go to jail. Bush used the CIA, misinformation, the media and other various outlets to effectively yell fire to the entire United States.

    BTW, the House and Senate were Republican! So what is your point? They had to vote party line…Im sure they just didnt know how badly they were misled.

  35. Max Pershing says:

    Also, are you implying that it is OKAY for the president of the united states to mislead congress for a purely selfish? Wow. You are the founding father’s nightmare. You should go back and read the federalist papers again.

  36. Phelps says:

    Also, are you implying that it is OKAY for the president of the united states to mislead congress for a purely selfish?

    No. You should really lay off this “they said what I want them to have said, not what they actually said” thing.

    Wow. You are the founding father’s nightmare. You should go back and read the federalist papers again.

    Yeah, I’m sure fifth time’s the charm.

  37. Max Pershing says:

    “Because Saddam was a murderous tyrant. We had the opportunity to depose him, and I was eager then to take that opportunity. I don’t regret it.

    If an American president was acting even remotely like Saddam, I would support him being deposed by any military means available. Since I think that freedom is a human right rather than an American one, I am willing to extend that the Iraqis as well.”

    This statement is SO flawed! SO FLAWED!

    1. I guess you missed the boat in so many other countries that have even more ruthless tyrants (see Darfur, Venzuela, etc). So it is now the mandate of the US to remove these tyrants?

    2. George Bush has taken away so many of the basic freedoms supposedly protected by the constitution. The entire Patriot Act is simply a doctrine to strip away basic freedoms. The Gov’t doesnt need a warrant to listen to my every day conversations???? Free speech…naw, we dont need that one.

    3. Have we given Iraqi’s freedom? We have replaced a tyrant, who was completely innocuous since we beat him down in 1991 with a militant occupation and a forced western culture. Most of baghdad still doesnt have running water and electricity…something they had under Saddam.

    And we have done this by destroying our reputation and credibility in the world.

    Did you serve in an armed service this noble cause of yours?

  38. Max Pershing says:

    “If he is so obviously unreliable, why did Congress listen in the first place? Isn’t it their job to see through that? And isn’t “that’s so ridiculous no one should have relied on it to start with” the same justification that the left side was using to excuse Clinton during the impeachment process?”

    The statement above implies that it is Okay for the Prez to mislead congress because it is their job to see through his crap. Shouldnt we hold the Prez to the highest standard possible?

  39. Phelps says:

    1: We don’t have the opportunity to depose those other tyrants. The political will to exert the treasure and blood required doesn’t exist. If it did, I would support those efforts as well.

    2: This analogy is about as bad as comparing the meatpacking industry to the slave trade.

    3: I said nothing about giving Iraqis freedom. I said that we should depose tyrants like Saddam. I support punishing criminals. Making them into good people isn’t part of that. Sometimes it is a happy side effect, but you can’t rely on it.

  40. Max Pershing says:

    1. Oh, so I guess you need another catastophe in the US so that you can manipulate it into disposing other tyrants. How morally just of you???

    2. That is just dumb. My analogy is dead on. You cant even retort it…just simply calling it dumb is a weak response..

    3. “If an American president was acting even remotely like Saddam, I would support him being deposed by any military means available. Since I think that freedom is a human right rather than an American one, I am willing to extend that the Iraqis as well.”

    Now you are either a liar or just plain dumb. The premise of the statement above implies that you are willing to remove ruthless dictators who take away human liberties. That is the only way they can be ruthless dictators. If they were gracious dictators, you wouldnt want to dispose of them. Therefore, you DO want to “give them freedom”, which I use quotes since we have done nothing of the sorts.

    Such a sad man.

  41. My friend, Kyle, spewed soda out of his nose when he read about how the Dems repossessed your ‘vette.

    I’m just sayin’. That’s some funny shit.

  42. lindsay strahle says:

    Oh you must sleep with your cousin. No wonder the US is the joke of the world….people like you. How’s that 8th grade education treating you?

  43. Phelps says:

    Well, my 8th grade education told me that a comma goes after an exclamation like “Oh” and that an ellipsis is used to indicate an omission, not as connecting punctuation like a colon.