The Everlasting Phelps

Rush Limbaugh is urging for voter fraud in Massachusetts.

I tell you what. If I lived in Massachusetts I’d try to vote ten times . I don’t know if they’d let me or not but I’d try to. Yeah, that’s right. I’d cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. Because that’s exactly what they are.

Barack Obama hates white people. And I’m not the only one thinking it.

Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr.:

What if the Constitution said: “All citizens shall enjoy the right to health care of equal high quality and the Congress shall have the power to implement this article by appropriate legislation?“

I dunno.  But if it said, “A healthy electorate being necessary to the well-being of a free state, the right to administer and receive health care shall not be infringed,” then it would be illegal to buy penicillin, you would have fill out a 14 page questionnaire to buy aspirin, and if you carried a band-aid within 50 yards of a school you would go to prison.

Could someone explain to me why it is bad for a white person to call another white person a N-lover, but it is OK for a black person to call another black person an Uncle Tom?

In response to this…

I’m voting Democrat because I think that the way to lower gas prices is to increase the costs of the oil companies by making them pay more taxes. I mean, they are just pumping their money out of the ground.

I’m voting Democrat because health care is so expensive that we should have the government pay for it. If it keeps getting more expensive, they can just print some more money.

I’m voting Democrat because I support affirmative action. White presidents have been screwing the country up for the last 200 years. I think it is time we see how badly a black president can screw up the country.

I’m voting Democrat because I think we should have some more gun control. Sure, my cousin was stabbed to death, but hey, imagine how tragic it would have been if she had been shot.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that the borders aren’t open enough. Al Queda and MS-13 don’t scare me — but having to cut my own grass does.

I’m voting Democrat because because I hate Whitey. Always sitting over there, hurting my eyes with all that glare.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that polar bears are more important than fuel costs. After all, if you get cold, you can just snuggle up to a nice fuzzy polar bear.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather die talking to a homicidal dictator than have to live with another war. After all, the Iranians are just like us, except for eating strange food.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather pay more to shop in nicer shops than look at an ugly old Walmart. So what if poor people can’t afford to shop there? The government will take care of them.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather burn corn in my car than let some poor South American eat it. Just let them eat flour tortillas like real Americans.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather people be unemployed than to have to work for less than a living wage. I mean, how can you justify letting anyone work for an unliving wage? It would bring on the zombie apocalypse.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather live more comfortably now than worry about providing a legacy for my children. The little punks never call me anyways.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that we should cooperate with North Korea’s bomb program. They will probably just nuke the Japanese, we did that too, so we are no better than them. The Nips got over Nagasaki and Hiroshima quick enough last time.

I’m voting Democrat because I don’t think that someone should have to move just because some lender let them borrow too much money to buy a house that they couldn’t really afford. All their stuff is already there.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to change the corruption in Congress. All these shady deals and financial wrangling need to stop. The Democrats will take things back to a better time, when politicians were bought with cold cash and stayed bought.

I’m voting Democrat because it isn’t fair to make kids learn anything to graduate from school. They’re just kids.

I’m voting Democrat because I would rather have millions of Iraqis die than thousands of American volunteers. The news won’t show me pictures of Iraqis dying, and they should have been smart enough to be born in America anyways.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that we spend too much on the Navy. We haven’t gotten a Top Gun sequel yet, and it’s been like 20 years.

I’m voting Democrat because they are good with money. They can spend way more than they take in. The last time I tried that they repossessed my ‘vette.

I’m voting Democrat because we should stop wasting money on a Ballistic Missile Defense and spend more on research for things like Viagra. What good is it to survive a nuclear attack if you can’t get it up afterwards?

I’m voting Democrat because I want the rest of the world to like us. It makes me feel all ookey to that think there are people out that there don’t like us.

I’m voting Democrat because I hate George W. Bush. He’s always running around with his big ears, talking down to people and saying stupid stuff, like nucyoolar instead of nuclear and inhalator instead of inhaler.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to have my candidates decided by democratic primaries, not by shady backroom caucuses or by a bunch of party insiders.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to know that my president understands how horrible war is and what the costs are. Sure, he might not be a veteran himself, but he’s got a good imagination.

(Hat Tip)

Suppose there was a Republican candidate. Let’s assume that his positions were roughly identical to McCain’s, but he had less historical baggage than McCain, and was youthful and charismatic to boot.

Let’s further suppose that a big part of his history was books about his experiences with his spiritual mentor and minister. And suppose that long into the campaign, it turns out that this spiritual mentor of 20 years teaches that black people are destined to always be oppressed, because Ham walked in on Noah while he was drunk and naked. (Yes, this belief really is held by some people.) And suppose that he taught that the US government was controlled by Crypto-Communists who are running a long-term conspiracy to poison and demoralize white Christians. (Yes, there are some ministers that teach this.)

Would we be looking for “context” in these remarks?

Would we excuse the candidate for membership and financial support of this ministry because, other than these remarks, he does good works?

Would we say that anyone who is making a big deal about this is just another partisan looking to tear down Republicans?

Would we tell black people who are offended by the Ham remarks that this is just how white people worship and that they are too sensitive?

Would we excuse the Communism remarks because the minister grew up during the Cold War when communists really were a danger?

Bad form, Balko.

How about this one: If you’re adamant that you only oppose criminalization of drugs, then do you think that we should educate children on the danger of mind altering drugs?

If you’re adamant that you only oppose unnecessary SWAT raids, then do you also support more training for true high risk, time sensitive police incidents requiring an armed response?

If you’re adamant that you only oppose convicting innocent men, then do you also support vastly expanding the amount of DNA testing done to crime scene evidence?

Yeah, you do, on all three.  And I can oppose illegal immigration while still wanting to radically relax our legal immigration requirements.  Just like how I can support decriminalizing drugs without wanting everyone to be a junkie, how I can think that prostitution is a horrible profession that demeans and psychologically harms but still not want to throw people in jail over it, and how I can support appeals for men convicted of rape without supporting rape itself.